But, then there’s that persistent money problem of yours that always spoils the fun. The fact is, you’ve already blown all your money on educational necessities (beer, golf balls, beer) and now you’re seriously short of funds. Well no problemo, Jackson, we’re going to show you how to make the scene in South Beach on minimum scratch. And our first task is to get you there … ready?

If you’re coming from the Northeast, as of right now, you can fly into Miami International Airport for prices around $290. You can also fly into Ft. Lauderdale on Southwest or Spirit Airline for $248 and take the $15 shuttle down to Miami Beach, which will save you a few bucks. The ride from Ft. Lauderdale takes about 45 minutes.

Either way, don’t rent a car. It will only be a burden to you in South Beach, especially when it comes time to park it. Valet parking is $20+ per day, and even the municipal parking lots go for about the same price. Bottom line is, everywhere you’ll want to go is either walking distance or a 5 minute cab ride.

The greatest challenge you’ll face in Miami Beach is putting a roof over your head at a price that won’t necessitate donating your lungs to science to cover the cost. South Beach Spring Break hotel prices are brutal due to the simple fact that Ultra Music Festival and Winter Music Conference both are cooking in Miami at about the same time as Spring Break. So, in this regard, may we offer a few recommendations… On the remote possibility that you aren’t the typical college student and you actually do have enough money to pay for a real hotel room, then read no further. You can simply start your hotel search in the hotels section and you’re on your way to paradise.

However, we both know what the story is don’t we… you’ve already spent 99% of your fun-money this semester and now you’re tapped-out. But, if you can scrounge-up a few bucks worth of loose change from underneath the cushions of your roommate’s couch, you can stay at what is actually a pretty cool little place—the Clay Hotel’s Hostel on Espanola Way.

The Clay has a great location close to the clubs on Washington Avenue (it’s knee-walking distance from Cameo); it’s close to tons of premier restaurants (which you can’t afford, so forget we mentioned it); and it’s only two blocks from the beach—which, luckily for you is free.

Yeah, we know the Clay isn’t the most glamorous thing in town, but then neither was your last bank statement, so give it a shot.

Your fellow guests at the Clay’s Hostel will be a somewhat international crowd consisting of travelers from France, Germany, Italy and even Japan. The Hostel consistently receives top ratings from its guests, and the international travel guidebook, Lonely Planet recently named the Clay Hotel ”the most beautiful hostel in America” for 2005.

Okay, the next level up on the fun-city food chain is a series of moderately priced Art Deco hotels that have proven quite popular with the youth brigade due to their excellent location and merciful pricing.

The Whitelaw Hotel
808 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

Great location one block off the beach at rock-bottom prices. Rooms are done in an all-white motif, AND they provide complimentary cocktails for you during their nightly happy-hour in the lobby. (hubba-hubba)

The Shelley Hotel
844 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

Again, great location one block off the beach with rates. The Shelley provides continental breakfasts, nightclub passes, complimentary newspapers and airport shuttles (very rare in Miami Beach). Has free Internet, marble bathrooms, and 82 cable TV channels in case you need to stay indoors and nurse a terminal hang-over.

The San Juan Hotel
1680 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

The San Juan hotel is one block north of Lincoln Road and across the street from the Delano. Rates are reasonable and for that price you are about as close to the geographic center of South Beach action as one can get: one block to the Raleigh, three blocks to the upper Collins Avenue nightlife district (Mynt, Mokai, Sky Bar) and 5-6 blocks from Cameo and the new Copa Room.

Other right-priced Miami Beach hotels to keep in mind are the Chelsea at 944 Washington Avenue, Continental Hotel South Beach at 1825 Collins Avenue, Winter Haven at 1400 Ocean Drive, the Penguin at 1418 Ocean Drive and the Greenview Hotel at 1671 Washington Avenue.

From there the prices march right on up past $15,000 per night for the penthouse at the Shore Club, which is actually a steal when you consider that right next door the top floor at the Setai goes for a cool $20G’s per night. But, we’ll talk about those places in a few years once you’ve made full partner in that Madison Avenue firm—or hit the lottery.

Ah yes, the South Beach nightlife scene… all those raging nightclubs… the pulsating music… the beautiful women… everyone having so much fun… and you know, it’s just a down-right shame you can’t get in.

Or can you? If you’ve been paying attention, you noticed that some hotels provide passes to the clubs. FREE passes, that is. So choose your hotels wisely, and consider all the amenities they offer. And you are always guaranteed to get into Copa Room.

Now, you must keep in mind that entry into South Beach clubs is always at the discretion of the door-god, and, rightly or wrongly, the people working the door attempt to select patrons who are the hippest/coolest/best dressed people in the crowd. What that means in plain English is, don’t expect to land in the VIP section of LIV sipping Mojitos with Paris Hilton if you’re dressed like you just rode into town on the midnight mango truck. Remember, No sneakers; No hats; No basketball jerseys; and No frat-wear … they won’t be impressed by your Zeta-Beta-Zoota t-shirt. South Beach clubs are ALL 21 & over, and they tend to cater to the flash & glam crowd, which means a night out in the clubs isn’t cheap.

There’s also a novelty occurrence used widely in Miami Beach that works heavily in your favor to help keep your expenditures under control. In a attempt to entice customers to come in and try them out early on, some clubs offer FREE drinks until 11pm. And since you’re almost a college graduate, we trust you’ll know what to do with that bit of information.

Even though partying will be your prime directive in South Beach, there’s also some great shopping to be had, and it’s located right off the beach. Collins Avenue from 5th through 9th Streets (one block over from Ocean Drive) is a great place to start your shopping trek with stores such as Club Monaco, Nine West, Ritchie Swimwear, True Religion, UGG Australia and Armani Exchange.

Lincoln Road, which can be entered right off the beach, offers tons of store like Allsaints Spitalfields, BCBG Max Azria, French Connection, L’Occitane, Lucky Brand and Victoria’s Secret. You can find the full list in the Lincoln Road Shopping section.

Alright, so we’re down to our last item, which is food. Miami Beach has some of the best restaurants in the world—and some of the highest prices. You should plan on Mickey-D’s.

But, when you get to the point where you just can’t face another Quarter Pounder and you’re in the mood to splurge, try a few sidewalk cafes on Lincoln Road for a taste of the real Miami Beach. Nexxt Cafe at 700 Lincoln Road is the perennial favorite cafe-cum-babe-watching spot in all of Miami Beach, and Segafredo at 1040 Lincoln Road also offers great food at non-stratospheric prices. For a very reasonably priced Cuban cafe, try Puerto Sagua at 700 Collins Avenue.

And one last thing to remember. Rubbing shoulders with the smart-set in South Beach amid all that glamour can sometimes cause one to lose track of the important things in life … namely, the people you meet and the friends you make. Don’t let your currently humble financial position in life get you down. You have the best deal going. You’re 21 (according to that fake ID of yours) and you’re partying in South Beach. So, let the good times roll!

As Copa Room’s entertainment director Tatiana Stewart hurries through the crowd on her way backstage, we compliment her on the polished intensity of tonight’s performance and query her about the effort it took for her performers to achieve the level of energy and finesse we’re seeing. She flashes a big smile, snaps a selfi of us together, then hustles off to more pressing business. Later she tells us about the arduous process of talent auditions, selection and rehearsals which culminated in tonight’s performance. Tatiana, who also owns Aura Entertainment, tells us …

“I had an idea of a team in my head based off of talent I had worked with previously. I auditioned every person that is on the team to give [owner Shawn Shahnazi] an example of their independent talent. Ultimately, he entrusted me with the ability to hand pick the group of talented professionals at Copa. [We] didn’t receive the green light to begin rehearsing until within a month of our preview opening… obviously, that presented a lot of stress and challenges amongst the team to deliver what we felt would be a suitable performance to our audience. [The] Copa Family came together rehearsing 5-6 days a week into the wee hours of the night throughout the holiday season.”

Asked if producing a show on the scale of Copa Room is worth all the hard work she and her team put into it, Tatiana says …

“Being able to wake up and live your passion everyday is a gift both myself and the performers don’t take for granted.”

Moments later the curtain opens and headliner Lexa Paige takes the stage flanked by four shirtless males as they launch into Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” silhouetted by Copa’s giant LED screen. Before the night is over, Lexa will also work her way through Madonna’s “Vogue” and “Express Yourself,” along with J-Lo’s “On the floor.” Busy night for a sexy 26 year-old who’s been dancing all her life. As Lexa puts it…

“I love being in the spotlight, I always have ever since I was a child… the feeling that takes over me when I’m performing for a crowd. In that moment, I step away from who I am and become whoever I want to be on stage… I believe it was something I was put here to do… I feel most alive when I have a chance to perform.”

Lexa’s enthusiasm for the stage is well-founded, especially for this particular stage here at Copa Room since it’s one of the most famous nightlife venues in all of Miami.

Copa Room’s 1235 Washington Avenue location was originally built as the French Casino supperclub, a luxurious theater-restaurant based on Clifford Fischer’s Les Ambassadeurs in Paris, along with its sister clubs in New York, Chicago and London. It opened on January 22, 1936 when the extravagant French inspired Folies Parisienne Revue relocated from the New York club down to Miami Beach for the winter season.

After closing on November 22, 1937, the French Casino morphed into the Cinema Casino movie theater as part of the Paramount Theaters chain, and after a stint as a combination movie house and live Yiddish Theater venue in the 1970s, it re-entered the nightlife arena as Club Z in the early 1980’s.

During South Beach’s Miami Vice years it was a series of dance clubs including Prince’s Glam Slam and the uber-flamboyant Paragon, a gay club often frequented by South Beach resident Gianni Versace. The late 1990s belonged to Gerry Kelly’s Level nightclub up until 2004 when it became Mansion, then finally Icon.

But, now it belongs to Copa Room owner Shawn Shahnazi who intends to market South Beach’s flash & glam to each and every one of the 15.5 million tourists that pass through Miami every year. Approximately half of those visitors come from South America, which is why Time magazine recently christened Miami “the Capital of Latin America,” a title which helps to explain why Miami hotels are able to charge the highest room rates in the United States, fifth highest in the world, as of 2015.

Opening up a non-VIP, non-DJ-driven club in Miami is a big gamble, but Shahnazi, who also operates Prohibition Restaurant & Speakeasy in Wynwood, is taking a fresh approach to nightlife with a venue that focuses on visual entertainment. Performances occur every half-hour, either on the main stage or as vignettes on the center stage with characters such as Beetlejuice, Charlie Chaplin and Chewbacca (accompanied by two seriously sexy Stormtroopers). Between stage shows, four aerialists do their thing high above the dance floor, while Copa’s voluptuous bartenders strut their stuff, often arm-in-arm with patrons. It’s actually a helluva show … especially after your third cocktail.

I asked owner Shawn Shahnazi how he feels tourists will respond to Copa Room …

I think they will be ecstatic. This is probably the only place in Miami they can afford in South Beach and it’s the only place in they can go in hassle-free. If they have shorts on, t-shirts, flip flops or a suit, you don’t have to worry about a bouncer being nitpicky at the door. They will actually get the Miami nightlife experience… they come from all around the world and expect the megaclub with the sound system, light system, beautiful people and you get to experience all of that in one venue. Everyone will be able to go in and have a great experience.

With a total of approximately 51,000 hotel rooms available nightly in Miami, I was also curious if the hotels had been receptive his plans for Copa Room, to which he replied …

They have actually been pretty receptive. They’re a pretty big part of our promotion. We’re lining up about 90 hotels to sell tickets inside the locations. Nobody has said “we don’t want to be a part of it.” They’re actually excited to join in. Not just because of the financial benefits, but they like the fact that they can tell guests to go somewhere and they’re guaranteed to get in. They don’t have to worry about guests coming back to them and saying “you sent me somewhere I couldn’t even get in to” or “they tried charging me a thousand bucks!”

They also like that we’re giving them an avenue of having a special concierge guest entrance. We will serve as an extended amenity to the hotels and their guests will be well taken care of. It’s going to be a long-term relationship and we will ensure their guests have a Trip Advisor-proof, hassle-free experience.

But, booty-shaking bartenders and flashy stage productions aren’t the only thing unique about this new club. Copa Room Show & Nightclub is an “All Inclusive Entertainment Complex” where guests pay a flat fee (currently $100, $80 for Florida residents) and enjoy Las Vegas style performances along with a premium open bar all night long. The massive club’s six well-staffed bar areas ensure drinks keep coming your way without hesitation. (We checked)

Copa Room’s CLUB LEVEL admission (currently $300) is billed as the club’s Super Premium product and entitles guests to special access through a separate entrance to avoid lines, personal attention from servers, premium seating in the upper CLUB LEVEL area with a prime view of the show, and ULTRA PREMIUM open bar until 4:00 am.

With a Grand Opening scheduled for January 27th, 2017, it is now Copa Room’s turn to make its mark on Miami’s clubland history, and if tonight is any indication, I’m expecting great things from this flashy nightlife newcomer. Copa Room Show & Nightclub is highly recommended.

Copa Room Show & Nightclub
1235 Washington Avenue
Miami Beach, FL 33139
Doors Open at 10pm, Shows Begin at 11pm
Open Bar All Night 10pm-4am

Editor’s Note: The Cabaret is now located at the Shelborne Hotel at 1801 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach. Lexa Paige, Mailyn Soulfree, Saskya Sky and Fernando Castro are now appearing at Copa Room Show & Nightclub.

That’s the scene every Thursday and Saturday night at Tantalize Miami’s new Jazz Night where Lexa Paige and Latin heart-throb Arias Martin headline at this Lincoln Road supper club. The show starts at 8:15pm and is a three-set whirlwind of show tunes and jazzy standards such as “The Man I Love,” “Fever,” “Route 66,” “Smile,” on and on. I had a chance to speak to Lexa about her artistry, and she revealed everything from her feelings about X Factor’s Simon Cowell to what she sings in the shower …

They say that the great singers are the ones who really “feel” the music, and that trait certainly applies to you. So, how did you develop your feeling for the music you perform?
Music is a universal language and is a way to communicate your thoughts with sounds. Life is like a song, there is always a beginning and an end. I can’t go a day without listening to music. Sometimes it’s not the song that makes you emotional but the people or things that come to mind when you are performing. There’s something exhilarating about loosing yourself in the rhythm that makes me feel so alive when I’m on stage. I love to be in the lights, it’s where I feel most comfortable.

What vocalists influenced you growing up?
I grew up listening to everything, and admire too many artists to list. Vocally, hands down Linda Eder is my all time idol. She is someone who has the ability to open her mouth and create magic while also making it look so effortless.

I also admire singers that utilize dance while on stage and really “perform.” I think watching Broadway shows really sparked an interest for me as a child to pursue a career in the arts.

What was your first paying gig?
My first paying gig was actually for a talent competition called Starz of the Future. It was located at the South Florida Fair and included competitors with different talents, young and old. I think I may have been 10 and I danced a jazz number. At the end of the competition they announced I had won and they gave me $500. At the time that was a big deal!

What type of music most inspires you?
I think the most impactful type of music that inspires me would have to be Broadway and jazz. Both styles allow you to step outside yourself and be whoever you want to be for that brief moment. I have a huge respect for Broadway performers because you can’t just have a good voice, you need to be able to convey a character to the audience. I consider myself a triple threat and Broadway allows you to showcase those skills all in one.

Do you look for any special themes in the material you choose to perform here at Jazz Night or do you simply go for the songs you like?
Yes! There is always a reason for the song choice and the order. Jazz is a journey, it’s free flowing and comes from your soul. You would think it would be easy to just sing only standards that people know and recognize. But the truth is, if you have the right song choice that YOU can relate to, your performance will improve greatly and you will be able to tell a story. Jazz Night is a collective effort at Tantalize that myself and fellow singer Arias Martin had been hoping for. I’d like to take this time to thank him because together we turned ideas into a reality.

Your choreography appears quite versatile, are you a professionally trained dancer?
I was a trained dancer before I ever picked up a microphone! I began dancing at the age of 3 and to this day I haven’t stopped. Aside from dancing at studios and performing in competitions I also attended art schools throughout my school years including: Bak Middle School of the Arts, Dreyfoos Highschool of the Arts and New World School of the Arts. Believe it or not dance was always my main focus.

Have you done any song writing?
I had the pleasure of working with Curtis Williams from Kool and the Gang and when I was 18 he encouraged me to pick up a pen and begin writing. It’s strange because I never sit down and say ‘I think I’ll write a song,’ it always comes to me in random bursts. I have tons of ideas and thoughts written on paper in a journal dating back a few years, but I never seem to finish one thing.

You were recently made Entertainment Director at Tantalize. How do you see Jazz Night developing?
It’s a work in progress and I think it needs to develop naturally. The hard part Is over, we have the show. Now it’s time to push ourselves to make it better each week. I know that it is home run and is something you can’t find anywhere else in Miami. For people who appreciate live music, fabulous food and an unforgettable dining experience, they need to know what we’re doing. I have to thank Carlos Sanchez, the owner, for allowing me to use Tantalize as my playground where I can watch my ideas come to light.

What would you be doing if you weren’t a performing artist?
Performing is all I know. I tried having a desk job and was never happy. I figured I was getting older and needed ‘stability’ in my life and that was the adult thing to do. In the back of my mind I always wanted to be doing something else. But truthfully I don’t know what I’d be doing if I wasn’t performing, but I can tell you I wouldn’t be happy.

Is national fame and all the rewards and hassles that come with it something you feel you’re ready for?
Believe it or not, I’ve already had my five minutes of fame and can say with total certainty if it happened again I can handle it. I auditioned for Simon Cowell’s show X Factor in 2012 and was chosen as a feature audition on the Fox network. Mind you, this is a reality show and for anyone who has been behind the scenes knows that they are looking for ratings and you are a ‘story line’ to them. They took advantage of my looks and coached me to say what they wanted me to be. I had about 15 seconds to sing, Simon Cowell wanted give me a shot, but then they spun the audition into a jealousy match between me and the female judges Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. While also creating the illusion of Simon Cowell being attracted to me. They didn’t let me move on to the next round, but needless to say my performance and character was put on YouTube and quickly racked up about 5 million hits in the first month. The experience at the time was embarrassing, but as time went on I realized that all of the comments and opinions of people on the internet made me stronger. If anything, it pushed me to continue my dreams because the opinion of one, is the opinion of none.

Be honest now…what song did you sing in the shower today…?
“The Man I Love” by Ella Fitzgerald.

What’s next for Lexa Paige?
Nobody knows what you want except you and nobody will be as sorry as yourself if you don’t fight for it. I know that I will continue to work hard and chase my dreams. The only time I will ever look back is to see how far I’ve come. I’m taking it one day at a time and I guess that’s all I can do. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and I am so grateful to have an opportunity like this to express myself. I can’t say what’s next for me, but I can say with certainty that wherever life takes me, I will be putting my heart and soul into it. All I want to do is be on stage and I’m grateful to be living my dream now. The best is yet to come and the only way I can predict the future is if I create it! Tomorrow is never promised, so today I want my family and friends to know how thankful I am for each and every one of you and how lucky I am to have them in my life. Without the love and support of my family I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Editor’s Note: Lexa Paige is now appearing at Copa Room Show & Nightclub.

8pm – CELEBRATING 10 YEARS OF #MBFWSWIM – The Raleigh Hotel

5pm – POKO PANO – Raleigh Pool

6pm – DOLORES CORTÉS – Cabaña Grande

7pm – FRANKIE’S BIKINIS – Oasis

7:30pm – CLOVER CANYON – Penthouse

8pm – WILDFOX SWIM – Cabaña Grande

9pm Fri – WE ARE HANDSOME – Oasis

9:30pm – SINESIA KAROL – Penthouse

10pm – BEACH BUNNY FEATURING THE BLONDS – Cabaña Grande

5pm – CAITLIN KELLY DESIGNER SWIMWEAR – Penthouse

6pm – L*SPACE BY MONICA WISE – Cabaña Grande

7pm – MIKOH – Oasis

7:30pm – RIP CURL – Penthouse

8pm – MARA HOFFMAN SWIM – Cabaña Grande

9pm – MAAJI SWIMWEAR – Oasis

10pm – CM CIA MARÍTIMA – Cabaña Grande

5pm – GOTTEX – Raleigh Pool

6pm – CAFFÉ SWIMWEAR – Cabaña Grande

7pm – BELUSSO – Oasis

7:30pm – MEEGAN ELIZABETH HAWAII – Penthouse

8pm – LULI FAMA – Cabaña Grande

9pm – SUBOO – Oasis

9:30 – JANKELE – Penthouse

10pm – 6 SHORE ROAD BY POOJA – Cabaña Grande

6pm – SAUVAGE/AGUACLARA SWIMWEAR
AQUARELLA SWIMWEAR
MIA MARCELLE
TOXIC SADIE SWIMWEAR – Cabaña Grande

7pm – A.Z ARAUJO – Oasis

8pm – LILIANA MONTOYA SWIM – Cabaña Grande

9pm – MINIMALE ANIMALE – Oasis

10pm – INDAH – Cabaña Grande

Headquartered at the landmark Raleigh Hotel, Swim Week combines top talents in fashion, beauty and design to create one of South Beach’s most popular events. Celebrities from film, television and athletics gather to walk the red carpets and party with hundreds of the world’s most beautiful women – girls we’ve admired from the pages of Victoria’s Secret and Sport’s Illustrated Magazine.

Sponsored by IMG Fashion, Swim Week combines the world’s most famous models, the top photographers, the most influential fashion editors and stylists and brings them all to South Beach – arguably the most beautiful backdrop for staging fashion shows in the world.

Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim, 325 South Biscayne Boulevard, Miami, FL.

Formerly known as the place to be on Sunday nights in South Beach, Pearl’s cuisine was often overlooked by the exceedingly hip crowd that partied the night away at this beautiful oceanfront venue. But now, just one glance at chef Sylvain Noel’s diverse menu at the new Pearl makes it virtually impossible to ignore his spectacular creations.

From American dishes such as Charred Ribeye and “Frenched” Colorado Rack of Lamb, to Asian specialties like Miso Black Cod and Beef Rolls deglazed with teriyaki sauce, and on to European cuisine such as Atlantic Dover Sole with parsnip and emulsified caper butter, chef Noel has created something for every taste.

It remains to be seen whether or not the new Pearl retains the futuristic Stephane Dupoux design that was previously so striking to guests entering the restaurant for the first time.

The walls, tables and furniture were white, accented by brilliant orange lighting throughout the restaurant which included a large wrap-around veranda bathed in purple light overlooking the Atlantic. The overall ambiance was that of an Austin Powers “Groovy Baby!” 60’s shagadelic pad, fully stocked with the beautiful people South Beach is known for.

The waitresses and female bartenders wore Judy Jetson-style orange mini-dresses with sexy cutouts where a solitary pearl hung suspended between their breasts, and white knee-high go-go boots to completed the look.

Either way, take a seat at the center Champagne Bar and enjoy the bubbly with caviar, and relax knowing that this is how South Beach is supposed to be…chic, glamorous and oh so delicious.

So this summer when vacation time rolled around, I rang up all my Miami Beach gal-pals and we headed south to Key West. Sure, it was mid-summer and the temp was approximately 5,000 degrees in South Florida, but right about the time we dropped our bags in the sand and the wind rustled through the palm trees (cue the Jimmy Buffet soundtrack) we knew euphoric bliss was on its way. Here’s a look at the trip and what you’ll see.

To get going take U.S. 1 (South Dixie Highway) south from Miami to…

MileMarker 29 / FLORIDA CITY
The vast mangrove swamp that covers the entire southern Florida mainland begins just south of town. Notice the huge metal pipe that runs alongside the road. This is the lifeline of the keys where there’s no fresh water except rainwater and the water that’s brought in by this pipeline. When you cross the Jewfish Creek Bridge, you’ll be out on the Keys to begin your 107-mile voyage out to sea on the longest ocean-going highway in the world. You’ll also be on Key Largo and you’ll reach…

MileMarker 51 / JOHN PENNEKAMP CORAL REEF STATE PARK
This is the first undersea park in the continental United States. The park includes a living coral reef offshore in the Atlantic, 21 miles long and 3 miles wide. Glass-bottom boat tours of the reef, lasting an hour and a half, give a fine view of the thousands of exotic tropical fish that frequent the reef. Old wrecks from the days of the Spanish Main may also be seen. Skin diving and underwater photography are encouraged but spear fishing and shooting or hunting on the mainland are forbidden. Pole-and-line fishing is allowed. A fine nature trail through the jungle is part of the shore installation. Admission per car is charged to the park, which is open every day from 8 a.m. to sunset.

Proceeding south, you’ll be in territory that until 1912 could only be reached by boat. In that year Henry M. Flagler’s railroad was opened to Key West across the islands. A severe hurricane and an accompanying massive tidal wave washed the railroad out to sea in September, 1935. The federal government took over the right-of-way for the Overseas Highway, which was opened in 1938. Drive south on the highway (still U.S. 1) to…

MileMarker 70 / TREASURE HARBOR
This was pirate country a few centuries ago, with Plantation Key and the south portion of Key Largo as favorite pirate haunts. At McKee’s Museum here, mementos such as doubloons, jewelry and 75-lb. silver ingots are on exhibit, dating from the days when the pirates were raiding and sinking Spanish galleons. Other relics on exhibit include the remains of ships sunk either by pirates or by hurricanes. The museum is open every day from 8:00 to 6; admission is charged. Continue southwest over numerous bridges to…

MileMarker 74 / ISLAMORADA
A bone-fishing center, this town on Upper Matecumbe Key has several restaurants where the unique Keys cuisine may be sampled. Green turtle chowder and steaks and a wide variety of dishes prepared from the shellfish known as conch (pronounced “conk” on these Keys) make unusual meals. During the 1935 hurricane, more than 600 highway construction workers were killed. A monument to their memory is adjacent to the highway to the left just south of town. The Theater of the Sea is 21/2 miles north. Here trained dolphins and sea lions perform. It is open 8 to 5; admission is charged. Drive south across several keys noted for their fine fishing to…

MileMarker 110 / MARATHON
A busy sports fishing and shrimp boat port is here. From the south end of town, the longest bridge on the Overseas Highway extends seven miles across open water to the next key. Then on to…

MileMarker 118 / BAHIA HONDA STATE PARK
It offers tent and trailer camping on 74 acres with a beach, and a small charge for electricity. The campgrounds afford a view of one of the world’s most unusual bridges. The original railroad bridge had a high, arched superstructure which was wide enough for a single-track railroad but too narrow to permit a road to go through. So the highway zooms up and over the curved top of the 75 ft. high superstructures. It affords striking views of the changing color of the waters of the ocean to the left and the gulf to the right as you cross Bahia Honda (“Deep Bay”). Continue south to…

MileMarker 127 / BIG PINE KEY
This is the haunt of the tiny Key deer beautiful animals about the size of an Airedale dog. Dawn or dusk is the best time to see them, especially on the side roads of Big Pine Key. The keys cluster closely, with numerous short bridges between them, from here to the next stop…

MileMarker 158 / KEY WEST
This quaint old island city is just 90 miles across the Florida Straits from Havana, Cuba. Over three centuries old, it has never known frost. In the 1840’s, it was the wealthiest city per capita in the United States, but in 1933, it was among the poorest. The big Naval Air Station north of town, the submarine base on its southern end, commercial fishing, and tourism are the principal industries of this isolated island town. A “Conch Tour Train” affords a convenient way of seeing the city. (Admission is charged). It starts at Mallory Square and makes four trips daily (9 a.m. and 11 a.m. and 1:30 and 3:30 p.m.) It covers some 14 miles, with a lecturing guide in charge. The city’s buildings and old forts are visited, as well as such unusual sights as the turtle kraals, where the big green monsters are kept after their capture. There’s only one road across the keys; so you return the way you came.

Let’s start with the traditional tourist stuff first…

HOG’S BREATH SALOON
400 Front St.
800.826.6969
HogsBreath.com
This is a well-known tourist hangout that deserves at least a walk-through and a shot at the bar. How could you possibly pass up a place with a tagline like “Hog’s Breath is better than no breath at all!” Check out their website for upcoming events – they host everything from homemade bikini contests to a song writers’ festival.

GREEN PARROT BAR
601 Whitehead St
305.294.6133
GreenParrot.com
A landmark since 1890, the Parrot prides itself on being is the first and last bar on US 1. Expect great drinks, bad art, a working jukebox, pool, darts and pinball. There’s always live music on the weekends and many weeknights as well. Happy hour: 4 – 7pm, 365 days a year.

BULL & WHISTLE COMPLEX
427 Caroline St.
305.296.4565
TheBullandWhistle.com
This joint is reminiscent of the Key West old folks are still talking about. One of the last open-air bars on just off Duval Street at the corner of Duval and Caroline. Enjoy it while you can because you won’t find this kinda place back home.

GARDEN OF EDEN
224 Duval St.
305.294.4565
Definitely the most unique bar in the heart of Old Town Key West. Located directly above the Bull & Whistle complex on the rooftop. Be sure and take a peek because it’s the only clothing optional bar in Key West. Take part in Naked Sunset, enjoy live music, dancing and body painting.

MANGOES
700 Duval St.
305.292.4606
MangoesKeyWest.com
Right in the heart of the Duval strip, Mangoes Restaurant is within walking distance of all downtown bars, clubs and shopping spots. Upstairs at Mangoes is a spacious second floor dining room with a balcony overlooking a tropical outdoor patio dining area and Duval Street. “It’s not just a fruit…It’s a lifestyle.” A little cheesy but a lot of fun.

SLOPPY JOE’S
201 Duval St.
305.294.5717
SloppyJoes.com
No stop in Key West is complete without a visit to Sloppy Joe’s. Open daily from 9am-4am it’s the perfect place to get your drink on early. Open since 1933, this place really is a Key West staple. They offer lots of fried comfort food, huge drinks and a cute souvenir shop with enough stuff to pick up something for everyone back home.

SQUARE ONE RESTAURANT
1075 Duval St.
305.296.4300
SquareOneRestaurant.com
A bit more upscale, Square One offers American cuisine, fresh local seafood and a superb wine list. This is a great place for a romantic night out complete with live piano and soft lighting. Perfect for sporting that new Tommy Bahama button-down you just picked up. Locals love this place too.

THE LAZY GECKO
203 Duval St.
305.292.1903
TheLazyGecko.com
Situated right next door to Sloppy Joes, this air-conditioned(!) bar offers 12 frozen daiquiris, lots of deli-style sandwiches and fresh pizza (perfect for staving off hangovers). Check them out online for all their great happy hour specials.

MARGARITAVILLE
500 Duval St.
305.292.1435
Margariaville.com
Admittedly, this one seems a little over-the-top – a Jimmy Buffet hangout in Key West? Surprisingly the food was amazing and the margaritas, that just happen to be the size of your head, can’t be beat. Parrotheads and Coral Reefers run amuck in this hangout.

Then the local hotspots…

LA TRATTORIA
524 Duval St.
305.296-1075
LaTrattoria.us
Voted in 1996, 1997 and 1998 as the People’s Choice Award for one of Key West’s favorite Italian restaurants and favorite place for a romantic dinner, this restaurant ranks very high in many locals’ books. No bar crawlers or drunken spring breakers here.

VIRGILIO’S COCKTAIL LOUNGE
Appelrouth Ln.
305.296.8118
LaTrattoria.us/virgilios.html
Located adjacent La Trattoria, Virgilio’s is a quaint cocktail lounge
serving up live jazz until 2am. This little hotspot offers a great selection of chilled martinis, single malt scotches and fine wines. Dinners also available from La Trattoria.

SCHOONER WHARF BAR
202 William St.
305.292.9520
SchoonerWharf.com
Located on the historic seaport on the site of the old Singleton Shrimp factory, this funky open-air bar features live, nightly entertainment traditional Kew West fair and a slew of special events. Visit them online for a complete listing.

TURTLE KRAALS BAR & RESTAURANT
1 Lands End Village
305.294.2640
TurtleKraals.com
Situated in Key West’s historic Land’s End Marina, Turtle Kraals is one of the coolest places on the island. Enjoy waterfront dinning, a fusion of Southwestern and Key West fare, a full bar with a host of microbrews and imports and the finest in local and national touring blues acts. Be sure not to miss the turtle races that take place twice a week

TWO FRIENDS PATIO RESTAURANT
512 Front Street
305.296.3124
TwoFriendsKeyWest.com
Two Friends has been offering casual open-air dining in the heart of Old Town for over three decades. They serve breakfast, lunch and dinner, but known for their chargrilled steaks and ribs. The prices are reasonable and the frozen drinks still come with those little paper umbrellas.

CAFE MARQUESA
600 Fleming St.
305.292.1919
Marquesa.com/cafe.htm
Every local will agree that no visit to Key West is complete without a trip to Cafe Marquesa. The 50-seat restaurant has an open kitchen where you can watch the chefs prepare succulent grilled meats, fresh, local seafood, inventive appetizers and salads, as well as fresh baked breads and incredible desserts that are all made fresh daily. The Goat Cheese and Pistachio Crusted Rack of Lamb is to die for.

CAFE MED AT EDEN HOUSE
1015 Fleming St.
305.296.6868
Cafe Med at the Eden House offers your standard island cuisine but with an added Mediterranean twist. There really isn’t anything else like it on the island. Right now it’s only open for dinner Wednesday through Monday, from 6 to 10pm, but they will soon be offering breakfast, lunch and brunch.

CONCH REPUBLIC SEAFOOD COMPANY
631 Greene Street
305.294.4403
ConchRepublicseafood.com
Located in the historic Key West Bight locale overlooking the seaport, this open-air restaurant offers spectacular, upscale waterfront dining. The eclectic menu definitely has something for everyone and the huge bar area is the perfect place to catch an infamous Key West sunset. Just ask any local.

and Gay Key West…

What is Key West if not gay? Situated not-so-discreetly between tourist-infested bars and souvenir shops there many gay friendly hangouts. Here are a few of the highlights:

For Cabaret…

801 Bourbon
801 Duval St.
305.294.4737
801Bourbon.com

For Drag Shows…

Aqua
11 Duval St.
305.294.0555
AquaKeyWest.com

For Dancing…

Bourbon Street Pub
724 Duval St.
305.296.1992
BourbonStreetPub.com

For Male Go-Go dancers…

Kwest Men
705 Duval St.
305.292.8500

For au naturale Sunbathing and cocktails by the pool…

Atlantic Shores Pool Bar& Grille
510 South St.
800-526-3559
AtlanicShoresResort.com

And the Special Treat…

Fantasy Fest
305.296.1817
FantasyFest.net
At Key West’s annual be-as-outrageous-as-possible costume festival anything goes – and usually it does. Many of the costumes are picture-worthy and there is considerable public nudity (always a plus). Taking place in October, this wild event attracts thousands of revelers to the island to take part in the esteemed yacht race, the Mardi Gras Massacre, Pet Masquerade and a Royal Coronation Ball. Some of the events have admission or entry fees, so be sure and call for details. Hotel reservations should be made well in advance and don’t forget your camera.

Accidental Goat Sodomy
Angry Amputees
Angry Samoans
Arrogant Worms
Arthur Loves Plastic

Bertha Does Moosejaw
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
Bingo Hand Job
Bloated Scrotum
Bloody Stools
Bumgravy

Cap’n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Cherry Coke Enema
Chickens On Smack

The Do I Look Like I Give a Fuck Band
Drew Barrymore’s Dealer
Drunks With Guns

Electric Vomit
The Elvis Diet
Ethyl Meatplow

The Fat Chick from Wilson Phillips Band
’57 Lesbian
Five Fat Guys Who Rock
Fix My Head
Flatutory Rape
The French are from Hell
Fuck Me, Suck Me, and Call Me Helen
Fudge Tunnel

Gag Factor
The Glands of External Secretion
Goldfish Don’t Bounce
The Ed Gein Fan Club
The Go Kill Yourselves
Gregg Turner and the Blood Drained Cows
Guess My Perversion

The Hair & Skin Trading Co.
Half Man, Half Biscuit
Halo of Flies
Hamster Sandwich
Hard-Drinkin’ Housewives
Head Like a Hole?
He’s Dead Jim
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler Stole My Potato
Hornets Attack Victor Mature

The I Just Killed My Parents Band
The Insult That Made a Man Out of Mac
Iowa Beef Experience
Iron Prostate
It’s All Meat

Jabbering Trout
Jif and the Choosy Mothers
Joan of Arkansas

LawnSmell
Lubricated Goat
The Luminous Toilet Bowls
Lung Mustard

Meat Beat Manifesto
Men Among Poodles
My Dog Has Hitler’s Brain
My Uncle’s Asshole
My White Bread Mom

Nasal Sex With Broken Glass
Nearly Died Laughing While Shaving My Butt
The Negro Problem
New Squids on the Dock
Not With My Camel

Painful Discharge
People With Chairs Up Their Noses
Pieces of Lisa
Poonanie Cramp-Up
Poultry in Motion
Prison Rape Scenes
Public Enema Number One
Purple Headed Love Warriors

Radical Vulvetomy
Rats of Unusual Size

Sandy Duncan’s Eye
Scoring Dope for the Ultimate Woman
7 Foot Spleen
Sex With Midgets
Sheep On Drugs
69% Female
Smelly Tongues
Snuff the Ficus
Space Negroes
Spocks Johnson
Stop Calling Me Frank
Susanne and the Guys With Ties
Swingin’ Udders

Tastes Like Chicken
Technosquid Eats Parliament
Ted Bundy’s Volkswagen
This Is Serious, Mum
3D House of Beef
To Live and Shave in LA
Too Fat to Skate

Uncle Bob Touched Me

Vic Morrow’s Head
Violent Anal Death
Vomit Launch
Voodoo Meat Bucket

Walking With Edna
Was I Naked
When People Were Shorter and Lived By the Water

The Yeasty Girls

(Rock & Roll is not pretty)

At one time Lincoln Road was Miami Beach’s top commercial area, with shops, nightclubs, bars, and department stores lining both sides of the street from the Atlantic Ocean all the way to Biscayne Bay. Saks Fifth Avenue, Harry Winston Jewelers, and Bonwit-Teller all were there for wealthy resort hotel guests to visit. The Road had no less than five movie theaters within its ten block span, including the world famous Carib Theater, with its live parrots in the lobby and mechanical roof that retracted to allow patrons to view feature films under a moonlit Miami Beach sky. Wealthy vacationers from the north would often arrive in Miami Beach for the winter season sporting empty steamer trunks to be used to transport their purchases back home again in April. Most of those purchases were made in the stores on Lincoln Road.

However, in the late 1950’s things began to change. New economic pressures would change the future of Lincoln Road for many years to come. Large new hotels like the Fontainebleau and Americana were designed as self-contained resorts complete with shopping areas and night clubs on premises where guests could spend their tourist dollars. Lounges like the Fontainebleau’s LaRonde Room or Eden Roc’s Mona Lisa Room attracted world class entertainers like Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, and Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. On the popular American Plan breakfast, dinner, and sometimes even cocktails and entertainment were included in the price of the room, so guests began to dine in the hotel’s own fine restaurants rather than in local restaurants on Lincoln Road. At one time, the Americana Hotel alone employed over sixty chefs to service its winter guests. All this put great economic pressure on Lincoln Road’s shops and restaurants, and the area soon began to feel the strain.

E Pluribus Lapidus
In an attempt to reverse the economic hardship being suffered by local stores and restaurants, the city commissioned famed Miami Beach architect Morris Lapidus, designer of the Fontainebleau Hotel, to transform Lincoln Road into a pedestrian shopping mall in 1960. The Road was closed to auto traffic and Lapidus created a beautiful shopping mall area filled with lush tropical plants, pink sidewalks, fountains, and unique sculptures. These changes met with some success, but the turnaround was short-lived. In the years that followed, Lincoln Road’s stores closed their doors one by one. Even the crown jewel, Saks Fifth Avenue eventually called it quits.

New social pressures were also waiting just around the corner. Miami Beach’s population, especially in South Beach, was shifting toward elderly retirees. At one point 80 percent of South Beach’s population was over 65 years of age. These retirees, living in South Beach’s old hotels and apartment buildings on low fixed incomes became a powerful political force and soon began resisting new taxes and bond issues, thus denying the city much needed revenue for infrastructure improvements.

Castro’s Mariel Boatlift brought in new residents at the lower end of the socio-economic scale. Of the 250,000 Marielitos allowed to come to the United States during the boatlift, it is estimated that 10 percent of this number were criminals straight out of Cuban jails. The crime rate in South Beach soared. To compound the problem, Miami in the 1980’s also had a slight “Colombian Marching Powder” problem to contend with. Check any Miami Vice re-run for details.

At its low point, most of Lincoln Road’s shops stood vacant. The Road’s golden days were seemingly gone forever.

A Change Gonna Come (Who is Art Deco?)
The war over Art Deco in South Beach is the subject of an upcoming article in South Beach Magazine, but for now, just remember this: All those wonderful Art Deco buildings that give South Beach its unique in all the world personality were moments away from being crushed up by bulldozers and used for landfill, when a few individuals like Barbara Capitman and her Miami Design Preservation League gang stood up against the “Condo Canyon” boys and preserved the Art Deco District for all of us. More on that later, but for now, chalk one up for the good guys.

In the late 80’s when South Beach began its resurgence, development progressed in much the same way that the island’s original development occurred in the early part of this century, namely, from the south, northward. Tony Goldman’s Park Central Hotel, the News Cafe and the Cardozo Hotel/Restaurant all sprang to life in just a few short years. South Beach’s redevelopment was like a tidal wave breaking right up Ocean Drive.

And as Ocean Drive has turned around, so has Lincoln Road. Less touristy and more of a hip community, the Road is now blossoming into South Beach’s creative district with artists and media production companies gravitating to the area at a blistering pace. Here’s an overview of some of the new folks in ol’ neighborhood.

Blue Suede Zapatos
Miami is internationally known as the “crossroads of the Americas”, so when MTV began looking for the perfect location for their new MTV Latino unit, they naturally chose South Beach. And, being MTV, they also picked one of the coolest sites in South Beach, Lincoln Road.

From production studios at Post Edge facilities at Lincoln and Washington, MTV Latino pipes music videos and Unplugged concerts to 19 countries in Central and South America 24 hours a day. And yes, Beavis and Butthead do habla espanol, although, no better than they habla English. (How DO you say “Dill Hole” in Spanish, anyway?) MTV Latino’s production affiliate Post Edge also provides production services for five Discovery Channel International networks around the world.

Another new arrival on the Road is The National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences known throughout the world for the music industry’s GRAMMY? Awards. NARAS is also responsible for numerous professional development and cultural enrichment programs around the world.

The Sunny Side of the Street
And of course, there are the wonderful sidewalk cafes. Lincoln Road is home to some of the finest sidewalk cafes in all of Miami Beach. Here’s the scoop on a few of the best.

One of the most well known meeting places in all of South Beach is The Van Dyke Cafe, nestled in a building originally constructed in 1924 by Carl Fisher, the father of Miami Beach. What’s not so well known is, in addition to its wonderful sidewalk cafe the Van Dyke also has a second floor lounge where live jazz is played nightly.

A new addition to the Road is Balan’s Restaurant, located at the quite western end of Lincoln Road close to the Colony Theater. Balans sidewalk cafe is one of the most relaxing settings on South Beach, and it’s also a great place to engage in that favorite South Beach pastime, model-watching. You don’t usually have to look very far either. Maybe only the next table.

Pacific Time Restaurant features American-Asian Pacific Rim cuisine, which New York magazine ’96 calls, “Best food in South Beach.” No argument here!

Yuca Restaurant and Nightclub has to be Miami Beach’s premier Cuban cuisine restaurant. Outside dining in the sidewalk cafe is a joy to the senses, while the second floor cabaret delivers South Beach’s hottest Latin music with firey Cubano entertainer Albita performing most weekends. Owner Efrain Veiga and manager Billy Bean are most gracious hosts, and will make your visit a truely memorable experience.

Hit it, Ludwig
The Lincoln Theatre, originally named the New Edison Theatre, was designed in 1935 by architect Thomas W. Lamb, who built classic movie palaces all over the country. The theater’s foremost resident is now The New World Symphony. Michael Tilson Thomas is the founder and Artistic Director of The New World Symphony, and also Music Director of the San Francisco Symphony, and Principal Guest Conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra.

Glory Days
So, will Lincoln Road recapture its glory days of the past, when movie stars and high rollers all dressed in tropical white outfits strolled its sidewalks? Well, it turns out that shopping at Saks has given way to pumping iron with the hard bodies at Idol’s Gym, but other than that, things are basically the same as they were in the 1930’s; beautiful weather, beautiful surroundings, and beautiful people. Recapture the glory days? Absolutely. Except, forget the part about “strolling in a white outfit.” These days it’s rollerblades and skin-tights. Just ask one of the models skating by. They should know.

Adoré is a two-story, 12,000 square foot garden of hedonism with soaring cathedral ceilings flanked by twin staircases leading to an upper level containing a large bar area and numerous banquette-style tables. The space is draped in deep crimsons and glowing ambers accented in gold and complemented by blue LED lighting just made for South Beach’s life-is-a-party aesthetic.

What struck us initially about Adoré was that such a large part of the club appears to be of a design quality level that equals and often exceeds the VIP sections of other top South Beach clubs. The entire upper level could easily be mistaken for an über VIP area.

On the nights we visited Adoré during Miami Music Week, no less than nine DJs were working out on the booming 100,000 watt Funktion-One sound system, and the club’s state-of-the-art floor-to-ceiling LED lighting display operated in perfect sync with the music. The entire wall behind the elevated DJ booth is a video display topped with a catwalk where club dancers do their thing, while a massive three-dimensional LED sphere—a modernist’s take on the classic disco ball—hangs over the dance floor and is part of the video display. The combination of driving music, blazing video and live performers makes for a uniquely mesmerizing display that rivals any club in the world.

As visually appealing as Adoré’s physical layout is, the club’s staff may be even more alluring. Adoré’s servers have to be the most genetically-blessed group of ladies we’ve seen in a long while and they present quite a striking image in their skin-tight, crimson-topped little black dresses. They quickly acquired the moniker “AdoréDolls” around South Beach for reasons that are eminently obvious to us. And this being South Beach, can a photo shoot of the same name be far behind?

We recently had the opportunity to speak with Cy Waits about his new nightclub…

What makes a successful nightclub experience for guests?
“The overall service experience and amenities are unlike any other at Adoré. All clubs have great talent, but it’s another thing to provide superior service and treat each guest as like a VIP. The ambiance and energy will make you feel like home from the minute you walk in the door.”

Will Adore be DJ-driven or VIP/Exclusivity-driven?
“Adoré is not about the DJ or bottles you purchase. We want to focus on providing an elite experience to individuals and be well rounded in every way you can imagine. Music of course is one aspect, but service, production, amenities and a cocktail program are not to be forgotten.”

Is Adoré bringing a Las Vegas vibe to South Beach, or enhancing the current South Beach vibe?
“Adoré is definitely enhancing the current South Beach experience. I have worked on projects from LA, Chicago, NY and Las Vegas and I’ve refined what I learned to enhance guests’ experiences. I’ve used my experiences to create Adoré and bring a well thought out nightlife venue to South Beach.”

Do you see any noteworthy trends developing in the high-end nightclub scene?
“The amenities and service are definitely evolving in the nightlife scene. Here at Adoré we believe we’re raising that bar. For example, in our bathrooms we have attendants handing out champagne and every banquette is equipped with a storage space that include a cell phone charging station.”

With nightlife being such a competitive business, how will Adoré be able to compete with the established hierarchy in Miami clubland?
“By opening in Miami Beach we’re trying to add to the experience here, not compete or replace other nightclubs. We’re excited to be a part of this incredible landscape.”

Adoré Nightclub
2000 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL
Thursdays through Sundays from 10:30pm-5am

Robert operates Submission South Beach, the production company responsible for some of South Beach’s most far-out events during the past three years, yet he gives much of the credit for his success to his team members. “It’s not about me, Submission is a theme, a whole group of people, and when the group does good, I do good. My whole team, from the door, to the security, to the DJs, the performers and dancers … it’s a total team effort,” he says.

Where did Frost get the idea for such an outrageous event? “Twisted Circus was our first theme party three years ago. I wanted something totally different, something outside the box, totally original … there’s really no other fetish parties doing it the way we do it. It appeals to anyone in the Gothic movement and the industrial movement as far as the music … get dressed-up and let loose.”

Submission South Beach also produces a smaller sister party called “Black Sheep Society” which Frost describes as “more Gothic-driven with no performers.”

Inside the club, the party is roaring to life as Vita DeVoid, “the Queen Mother at Tampa’s Thee VaudeVillains Burlesque Company,” begins her strip tease and fire show.

Says sexy go-go dancer TikiDoll Sakura, “Everyone here dresses up, they go all out…there’s no judgement, everyone just gets crazy and has fun.” Asked what sort of people Twisted Circus would appeal to, she says “There’s all different kinds of people here, whoever is willing get dressed-up and not really care what people think.”

Well-known South Florida performer Carla X, wearing her latest evil clown costume and special “Grinder Bra,” says of Twisted Circus, “It’s hard to describe to someone that’s not used to it … it’s like a whole other world, like a sexy fairy tale, very magical, something you’ve only seen in your imagination. It would appeal to anyone who’s not afraid to try something different …” She laughs and adds “… and someone who’s not afraid of clowns.”

Tonight’s Twisted Circus is also a birthday celebration for performer Sean “WildChild” — a moniker that suits the boy perfectly, as we later found out when he took the stage. Sean is the design genius behind the Miami costume and entertainment company, WildChildWorld.

As Twisted Circus rolls into the wee hours of the morning, people are still coming in from Washington Avenue and starring wide-eyed at what they see … dancers in grinder bras shooting sparks from their nipples … girls in see-thru body suits strapped to whipping posts … and of course, all those pesky evil clowns Carla X warned us about. Twisted Circus is definitely an eye-opening event.

Olga Saretsky’s Kikimora Studio produces costumes and spot light performances for nightclubs and posh private events that range from elegant to outrageous and always possess a touch of whimsy.

While her choreography is characterized by fluid improvisational motion, it is her dramatic costume designs and character creations that transcend the typical skimpy garb worn by go-go dancers in lesser markets. Bizarre creatures that sparkle in the darkness and invade the night with their impish theatrics are the hallmark of Olga’s work.

I first met Olga when she was performing at the late night Eyeliner Subculture party on Lincoln Road, and soon after realized that it was she who had created so many of the memorable events I had photographed in Miami. Only then did I come to understand the essence of her work. Olga Saretsky and the artisans at Kikimora Studio create special moments in time—exquisite works of living art that are true vignettes of glamour.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Olga about her work…

How many shows and events do you do in a typical year?
“Kikimora studio usually does around 2-3 performances a week at various clubs and other entertainment venues as well as social and corporate events. We do over 100 events a year.”

Each one of your costume designs seem to be based on a character that has a personality all its own. When you’re creating a new design, which do you envision first, the character, the choreography or the costume?
“Thank you for noticing the unique character in every creation! For me, choreography and costume tie together in such a way that when I envision a new character I see it in full costume and moving. If I don’t see a full character from the beginning, but the desire to create is strong, I start from the costume’s head piece and trust that the rest of it will come to me and be beautiful no mater what. After all is done, I then do a “test drive,” I stretch the skin of the new creature on my body and let it go wild in my studio. I record on video the first steps and build in more movements that complement the shape of the character.”

From a new costume’s initial sketches and renderings, to its first live performance, how long is the development process?
“Development time is always different. If I start a project immediately after first sketch, next is material shopping—hoping that I find all I need—that takes about 2-3 days, then construction itself takes from 2 to 7 days. I would say that simple shape creation take me about 2 to 7 days to bring it to life.”

Where do you find inspiration for your creations?
“Inspiration for new creations comes from almost anything… nature, animal kingdom, the elements, music, colors of life itself. But sometimes I see creations in my dreams or a daydreaming state of mind. Creatures like “Polkadots Fox”,“UFO”, “Fire Queen” and “Zebra Lady” come to me over a good night sleep. There is also time when I pick up a pen and start doodling on piece of paper next to me while I’m talking on the phone, and before I know it there is a new design staring at me from under the pen. A great living doodle example is a creature name “Lips”. Never underestimate doodles!”

All of your performers have beautifully sexy physiques, that’s a given. But, what else do you look for in a performer?
“Good question! I can name 3 major qualities right away…
I’m always looking for a “creature” inside of every performer that love’s people and love’s their self—a creature that isn’t scared to bring their own personality, their own essence that expresses who they are in a playful way through movement and sound…[laughs]… yes, some of my creatures can produce funny or weird noises to complete the character.”

“The dance and theater background of a performer is very important, but I also find “creature talent” in non-trained performers as well, that are sometimes the most unique of all.”

“Very important is responsibility and ability to learn fast—learn the dance routine , learn how to put on the costume , learn how to help others. A female performer who allows herself to be liberated from the social mask of ego and make-up on their own face that has been attached to go-go dancing. She must be the creature of playfulness, mystery and light inside herself that I believe is at the core of every woman, and I like to help manifest this.”

Do your costumes have to be tailored/fitted to each individual performer?
“I tailor the costumes to my type of body and that fits most of the performers.”

Do you personally perform at every show or event?
“Yes, I do perform myself most of the time and have available talent with me to keep me company and complete a duet if needed.”

Have any other designers influenced your work?
“There is no one in particular that influenced my designs, but I do get inspired by looking at the art of Nick Cave, Madam Peripetie, Ivan Prieto, Lin Tianmiao and many others. I love finding beautiful art online and can swim through abstract art pictures forever! It brings me hope that my art can be accepted and recognized just like their art is, it inspire me to go on. It widens my world and extends the possibilities!”

Do you collaborate with anyone else in your design and choreography work?
“Yes, for past year I have been collaborating with Amir Sultan Roth, we already gave birth to one of my favorite creatures “Gremlin,” where Amir’s idea of big ears, isolated eyes and his biological aesthetic from nature moved me to make a sketch come to life as a full-size creature. Amir’s air brush fine art breathes life into the character and made it uniquely his own style. Amir Sultan is a multi-talented creator, he is not only a beautiful painter, but he is also an  exceptional percussionist that builds his own uniquely tuned instruments and composes music for my creatures. We perform together often.”

Where did the name “Kikimora” come from?
“Kikimora was my nick name in my early childhood, so when the time came to pick a stage name, Kikimora came up in my mind naturally and I kept it. Same thing with my company, I was thinking about many names but Kikimora studio felt the most comfortable. If you look deeper at the origins of the word Kikimora, you will find direct connection to my eastern European upbringing—lots of mystical meaning and mystery, just like I like it!

What range of performers and services can Kikimora Studio provide?
“Kikimora Studio provides live statue entertainment, mime, interactive creatures, precision performances with dancers, circus acts with fire dancers and acrobatics, cultural dance performances and unique original music. We also custom build decorations and props for events, photo shoots and theater productions. We’re always up for a challenge!”