Ocean Drive attracts tourists looking for a quick fix of “Miami Vice” neon and retro-deco styling; it’s the place locals take out of town guests to show them the sights. But, Lincoln Road provides a more authentic experience where just about everyone gathers to shop and dine under a brilliant Miami sun. With little resemblance to Small Town USA, Lincoln Road is a tropical Broadway, homey yet hip, with a sex appeal all its own.

No other avenue in the City is as popular 24 hours a day. While television shows like “Cheers” and “Friends” fictionalize cozy neighborhood places where everyone knows your name, the sunny sidewalk cafes along Lincoln Mall are frequent meeting places for friendly neighbors and social groups who gather to catch up on shared interests.

Newcomers will find it difficult to tell where one cafe ends and another begins. This open plan design is deliberate. Some venues favor boundaries, but not South Beach. The sports bar, the gay bar, the coffee shop and the deli all share tables and customers. Simply find an empty seat at a sunlit table to join the community. Folks who skateboard, rollerblade or bicycle meet on Lincoln. New parents bring overwrought toddlers to the Euclid Circle to barrel around and blow off steam. Ex-pats from cities around the globe find fellow countrymen to discuss world events, football matches and the goings-on back home. If America is indeed a melting pot, Lincoln Road is the red-hot burner in South Florida.

The Sunday Antique and Farmer’s Market get the week off to a great start. Morning joggers, earnest home cooks and casual shoppers join the crowd of collectors up at sunrise hoping to find a bargain. While there is no big box home store on the island, local nurseries bring in apartment-friendly houseplants for porch and patio. Many residents furnish their homes, fill their pantries and decorate their balconies at the weekly markets.

In the past few years, clever New York decorators and fashion stylists have boasted to national publications about the treasures they’ve unearthed at the Lincoln Road Flea Market. Suffice to say, those used to getting rock-bottom prices now meet the antique dealers’ trucks the moment they start to unpack. Competition is fierce! (Alternate Sundays October through May)

On holiday nights, families gather on the mall after dinner to check out the local revelers and catch up with old friends. Halloween is a particularly popular time of year. Local merchants encourage kids to trick or treat in all of their shops. Meanwhile, local drag queens parade in full regalia up and down the avenue hoping for cheers of encouragement from those lucky enough to score a table at a sidewalk cafe. Elaborate costumes created for local competitions or worn simply to provoke the crowd are everywhere you look. Everyone cheers, everyone takes photos; it’s a big party.

The weekends before and after Halloween are some of the busiest of the year. October kicks off the official holiday season. Temperatures might creep into the 80s, but the holiday lights twinkle in all of the palm trees along the mall. Holiday shopping at the quirky boutiques, art galleries and chain stores is always a bit more fun than at a traditional shopping center. New Year’s Eve is also intensely popular before and after the midnight fireworks at the beach. Black tie dressed couples and flip flop wearing teens compete for a place to hang out and celebrate. By accident or by design, there is always something to do on Lincoln Mall.

We’ve wandered from Bayside to Seaside along Lincoln Road and even explored the cross streets to help you navigate the incredible dining scene on this popular promenade. Whether you want a quick bite before the theater, a casual lunch while shopping, or a romantic dinner just for two, you’ll find a dazzling array of options all along Lincoln Road Mall. Since no cars are permitted from Washington Avenue through Alton Road, you’ll need to do a bit of walking to find the perfect spot. Are you ready?

One block west of Alton Road at West Avenue, savvy locals make frequent visits to Panizza Cafe, an Argentinean bakery specializing in empanada pocket pastries. While a significant portion of Lincoln Road is closed to cars, the last few blocks on the west side are busy with families getting their shopping done and buzzing around the residential district. Travelers who want to discover a quieter restaurant or glimpse local city life should venture west of Lincoln Mall.

At the intersection of Lincoln and Michigan, Finnegan’s Two attracts European Football Fans by day and local rock musicians by night. While some nightclubs on South Beach have a strict velvet rope policy, this is not the case at most of the bars along Lincoln Mall. Finnegan’s posts pub specials on a chalkboard by the door including happy hour drink prices and the name of the band performing that night.

Just a few steps south on Michigan, The Frieze Ice Cream Factory dreams up exotic flavors for some of the top restaurants in town and also serves cups and cones at the counter. New on the scene, Jezebel Bar + Kitchen attracts late night revelers seeking food and company in the wee hours. Specializing in craft cocktails and elevated pub grub, this hip hideaway is open until 5am.

While many national booksellers have expanded their services to include a coffee bar, Miami’s favorite Books & Books offers a full menu and a tapas and drinks list as well. At the busy Meridian Avenue intersection, find Havana 1957, a Cuban restaurant that will make you feel like family. Friendly service, Cuban classics and nightly specials make this alfresco cafe a local favorite. For a night that moves to a Miami beat, Yuca Restaurant has long attracted diners seeking a modern approach to Cuban cuisine. Latin cuisine can also be found at Baires Grill, Tapelia, HuaHua’s Taqueria and Cvi.Che 105.

Budget-conscious diners can find American comfort food classics at Shake Shack, happy hour food and drink deals at Yard House and complimentary passed hors d’oeuvres during happy hour Friday evenings at Meat Market.

Diners in search of Italian fare can choose from simple pizza and pasta shops like Rosinella, Spris, and Pizza Rustica, or visit the more upscale Sibilla and Quattro Gastronomia Italiana. Quattro is one of the top-dollar doors on Lincoln Mall, so be sure to make reservations to sample the hip, culinary pyrotechnics.

Asian restaurants on Lincoln Mall encompass Sushi, Thai, “Asian Fusion,” and Chinese. Among the best are Sushi Samba Dromo, a Brazilian-accented sushi bar that’s a nightclub after hours, and Doraku Sushi which has a popular weeknight happy hour and lunchtime meal deals.

Euclid Circle is a unique, kid-friendly spot of grass at the center of Lincoln Mall. Because there are few green spaces to congregate in the area, kids and dogs are drawn to this tiny island surrounded by cafes and ice cream shops. Nexxt Cafe encompasses the southern side of the circle with umbrella-shaded tables filled with hungry diners. Portions are big enough to share at this popular cafe serving giant breakfasts, main plate salads and towering sandwiches. Across the way, one of three branches of Pizza Rustica offers pies and pizza by-the-slice, perfect for a quick bite or a hungry toddler.

Lincoln Road pulses with all of the energy of South Beach. Whether you’re up early and need a jolt of coffee and a hearty morning meal or you’re looking for a romantic place to enjoy a hot Miami night, there is something for everyone on this busy pedestrian mall. While hot summer days often seem overwhelming, these breezy cafes welcome thirsty travelers and busy locals around the clock. Check theater, symphony and gallery listings to help you plan a great night out on Miami Beach’s Main Street. You’re sure to feel like a part of the scene once you experience the great shopping, friendly bars and delicious ethnic restaurants all along Lincoln Road Mall.

But, then there’s that persistent money problem of yours that always spoils the fun. The fact is, you’ve already blown all your money on educational necessities (beer, golf balls, beer) and now you’re seriously short of funds. Well no problemo, Jackson, we’re going to show you how to make the scene in South Beach on minimum scratch. And our first task is to get you there … ready?

If you’re coming from the Northeast, as of right now, you can fly into Miami International Airport for prices around $290. You can also fly into Ft. Lauderdale on Southwest or Spirit Airline for $248 and take the $15 shuttle down to Miami Beach, which will save you a few bucks. The ride from Ft. Lauderdale takes about 45 minutes.

Either way, don’t rent a car. It will only be a burden to you in South Beach, especially when it comes time to park it. Valet parking is $20+ per day, and even the municipal parking lots go for about the same price. Bottom line is, everywhere you’ll want to go is either walking distance or a 5 minute cab ride.

The greatest challenge you’ll face in Miami Beach is putting a roof over your head at a price that won’t necessitate donating your lungs to science to cover the cost. South Beach Spring Break hotel prices are brutal due to the simple fact that Ultra Music Festival and Winter Music Conference both are cooking in Miami at about the same time as Spring Break. So, in this regard, may we offer a few recommendations… On the remote possibility that you aren’t the typical college student and you actually do have enough money to pay for a real hotel room, then read no further. You can simply start your hotel search in the hotels section and you’re on your way to paradise.

However, we both know what the story is don’t we… you’ve already spent 99% of your fun-money this semester and now you’re tapped-out. But, if you can scrounge-up a few bucks worth of loose change from underneath the cushions of your roommate’s couch, you can stay at what is actually a pretty cool little place—the Clay Hotel’s Hostel on Espanola Way.

The Clay has a great location close to the clubs on Washington Avenue (it’s knee-walking distance from Cameo); it’s close to tons of premier restaurants (which you can’t afford, so forget we mentioned it); and it’s only two blocks from the beach—which, luckily for you is free.

Yeah, we know the Clay isn’t the most glamorous thing in town, but then neither was your last bank statement, so give it a shot.

Your fellow guests at the Clay’s Hostel will be a somewhat international crowd consisting of travelers from France, Germany, Italy and even Japan. The Hostel consistently receives top ratings from its guests, and the international travel guidebook, Lonely Planet recently named the Clay Hotel ”the most beautiful hostel in America” for 2005.

Okay, the next level up on the fun-city food chain is a series of moderately priced Art Deco hotels that have proven quite popular with the youth brigade due to their excellent location and merciful pricing.

The Whitelaw Hotel
808 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

Great location one block off the beach at rock-bottom prices. Rooms are done in an all-white motif, AND they provide complimentary cocktails for you during their nightly happy-hour in the lobby. (hubba-hubba)

The Shelley Hotel
844 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

Again, great location one block off the beach with rates. The Shelley provides continental breakfasts, nightclub passes, complimentary newspapers and airport shuttles (very rare in Miami Beach). Has free Internet, marble bathrooms, and 82 cable TV channels in case you need to stay indoors and nurse a terminal hang-over.

The San Juan Hotel
1680 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL

The San Juan hotel is one block north of Lincoln Road and across the street from the Delano. Rates are reasonable and for that price you are about as close to the geographic center of South Beach action as one can get: one block to the Raleigh, three blocks to the upper Collins Avenue nightlife district (Mynt, Mokai, Sky Bar) and 5-6 blocks from Cameo and the new Copa Room.

Other right-priced Miami Beach hotels to keep in mind are the Chelsea at 944 Washington Avenue, Continental Hotel South Beach at 1825 Collins Avenue, Winter Haven at 1400 Ocean Drive, the Penguin at 1418 Ocean Drive and the Greenview Hotel at 1671 Washington Avenue.

From there the prices march right on up past $15,000 per night for the penthouse at the Shore Club, which is actually a steal when you consider that right next door the top floor at the Setai goes for a cool $20G’s per night. But, we’ll talk about those places in a few years once you’ve made full partner in that Madison Avenue firm—or hit the lottery.

Ah yes, the South Beach nightlife scene… all those raging nightclubs… the pulsating music… the beautiful women… everyone having so much fun… and you know, it’s just a down-right shame you can’t get in.

Or can you? If you’ve been paying attention, you noticed that some hotels provide passes to the clubs. FREE passes, that is. So choose your hotels wisely, and consider all the amenities they offer. And you are always guaranteed to get into Copa Room.

Now, you must keep in mind that entry into South Beach clubs is always at the discretion of the door-god, and, rightly or wrongly, the people working the door attempt to select patrons who are the hippest/coolest/best dressed people in the crowd. What that means in plain English is, don’t expect to land in the VIP section of LIV sipping Mojitos with Paris Hilton if you’re dressed like you just rode into town on the midnight mango truck. Remember, No sneakers; No hats; No basketball jerseys; and No frat-wear … they won’t be impressed by your Zeta-Beta-Zoota t-shirt. South Beach clubs are ALL 21 & over, and they tend to cater to the flash & glam crowd, which means a night out in the clubs isn’t cheap.

There’s also a novelty occurrence used widely in Miami Beach that works heavily in your favor to help keep your expenditures under control. In a attempt to entice customers to come in and try them out early on, some clubs offer FREE drinks until 11pm. And since you’re almost a college graduate, we trust you’ll know what to do with that bit of information.

Even though partying will be your prime directive in South Beach, there’s also some great shopping to be had, and it’s located right off the beach. Collins Avenue from 5th through 9th Streets (one block over from Ocean Drive) is a great place to start your shopping trek with stores such as Club Monaco, Nine West, Ritchie Swimwear, True Religion, UGG Australia and Armani Exchange.

Lincoln Road, which can be entered right off the beach, offers tons of store like Allsaints Spitalfields, BCBG Max Azria, French Connection, L’Occitane, Lucky Brand and Victoria’s Secret. You can find the full list in the Lincoln Road Shopping section.

Alright, so we’re down to our last item, which is food. Miami Beach has some of the best restaurants in the world—and some of the highest prices. You should plan on Mickey-D’s.

But, when you get to the point where you just can’t face another Quarter Pounder and you’re in the mood to splurge, try a few sidewalk cafes on Lincoln Road for a taste of the real Miami Beach. Nexxt Cafe at 700 Lincoln Road is the perennial favorite cafe-cum-babe-watching spot in all of Miami Beach, and Segafredo at 1040 Lincoln Road also offers great food at non-stratospheric prices. For a very reasonably priced Cuban cafe, try Puerto Sagua at 700 Collins Avenue.

And one last thing to remember. Rubbing shoulders with the smart-set in South Beach amid all that glamour can sometimes cause one to lose track of the important things in life … namely, the people you meet and the friends you make. Don’t let your currently humble financial position in life get you down. You have the best deal going. You’re 21 (according to that fake ID of yours) and you’re partying in South Beach. So, let the good times roll!

Editor’s Note: The Cabaret is now located at the Shelborne Hotel at 1801 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach. Lexa Paige, Mailyn Soulfree, Saskya Sky and Fernando Castro are now appearing at Copa Room Show & Nightclub.

That’s the scene every Thursday and Saturday night at Tantalize Miami’s new Jazz Night where Lexa Paige and Latin heart-throb Arias Martin headline at this Lincoln Road supper club. The show starts at 8:15pm and is a three-set whirlwind of show tunes and jazzy standards such as “The Man I Love,” “Fever,” “Route 66,” “Smile,” on and on. I had a chance to speak to Lexa about her artistry, and she revealed everything from her feelings about X Factor’s Simon Cowell to what she sings in the shower …

They say that the great singers are the ones who really “feel” the music, and that trait certainly applies to you. So, how did you develop your feeling for the music you perform?
Music is a universal language and is a way to communicate your thoughts with sounds. Life is like a song, there is always a beginning and an end. I can’t go a day without listening to music. Sometimes it’s not the song that makes you emotional but the people or things that come to mind when you are performing. There’s something exhilarating about loosing yourself in the rhythm that makes me feel so alive when I’m on stage. I love to be in the lights, it’s where I feel most comfortable.

What vocalists influenced you growing up?
I grew up listening to everything, and admire too many artists to list. Vocally, hands down Linda Eder is my all time idol. She is someone who has the ability to open her mouth and create magic while also making it look so effortless.

I also admire singers that utilize dance while on stage and really “perform.” I think watching Broadway shows really sparked an interest for me as a child to pursue a career in the arts.

What was your first paying gig?
My first paying gig was actually for a talent competition called Starz of the Future. It was located at the South Florida Fair and included competitors with different talents, young and old. I think I may have been 10 and I danced a jazz number. At the end of the competition they announced I had won and they gave me $500. At the time that was a big deal!

What type of music most inspires you?
I think the most impactful type of music that inspires me would have to be Broadway and jazz. Both styles allow you to step outside yourself and be whoever you want to be for that brief moment. I have a huge respect for Broadway performers because you can’t just have a good voice, you need to be able to convey a character to the audience. I consider myself a triple threat and Broadway allows you to showcase those skills all in one.

Do you look for any special themes in the material you choose to perform here at Jazz Night or do you simply go for the songs you like?
Yes! There is always a reason for the song choice and the order. Jazz is a journey, it’s free flowing and comes from your soul. You would think it would be easy to just sing only standards that people know and recognize. But the truth is, if you have the right song choice that YOU can relate to, your performance will improve greatly and you will be able to tell a story. Jazz Night is a collective effort at Tantalize that myself and fellow singer Arias Martin had been hoping for. I’d like to take this time to thank him because together we turned ideas into a reality.

Your choreography appears quite versatile, are you a professionally trained dancer?
I was a trained dancer before I ever picked up a microphone! I began dancing at the age of 3 and to this day I haven’t stopped. Aside from dancing at studios and performing in competitions I also attended art schools throughout my school years including: Bak Middle School of the Arts, Dreyfoos Highschool of the Arts and New World School of the Arts. Believe it or not dance was always my main focus.

Have you done any song writing?
I had the pleasure of working with Curtis Williams from Kool and the Gang and when I was 18 he encouraged me to pick up a pen and begin writing. It’s strange because I never sit down and say ‘I think I’ll write a song,’ it always comes to me in random bursts. I have tons of ideas and thoughts written on paper in a journal dating back a few years, but I never seem to finish one thing.

You were recently made Entertainment Director at Tantalize. How do you see Jazz Night developing?
It’s a work in progress and I think it needs to develop naturally. The hard part Is over, we have the show. Now it’s time to push ourselves to make it better each week. I know that it is home run and is something you can’t find anywhere else in Miami. For people who appreciate live music, fabulous food and an unforgettable dining experience, they need to know what we’re doing. I have to thank Carlos Sanchez, the owner, for allowing me to use Tantalize as my playground where I can watch my ideas come to light.

What would you be doing if you weren’t a performing artist?
Performing is all I know. I tried having a desk job and was never happy. I figured I was getting older and needed ‘stability’ in my life and that was the adult thing to do. In the back of my mind I always wanted to be doing something else. But truthfully I don’t know what I’d be doing if I wasn’t performing, but I can tell you I wouldn’t be happy.

Is national fame and all the rewards and hassles that come with it something you feel you’re ready for?
Believe it or not, I’ve already had my five minutes of fame and can say with total certainty if it happened again I can handle it. I auditioned for Simon Cowell’s show X Factor in 2012 and was chosen as a feature audition on the Fox network. Mind you, this is a reality show and for anyone who has been behind the scenes knows that they are looking for ratings and you are a ‘story line’ to them. They took advantage of my looks and coached me to say what they wanted me to be. I had about 15 seconds to sing, Simon Cowell wanted give me a shot, but then they spun the audition into a jealousy match between me and the female judges Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. While also creating the illusion of Simon Cowell being attracted to me. They didn’t let me move on to the next round, but needless to say my performance and character was put on YouTube and quickly racked up about 5 million hits in the first month. The experience at the time was embarrassing, but as time went on I realized that all of the comments and opinions of people on the internet made me stronger. If anything, it pushed me to continue my dreams because the opinion of one, is the opinion of none.

Be honest now…what song did you sing in the shower today…?
“The Man I Love” by Ella Fitzgerald.

What’s next for Lexa Paige?
Nobody knows what you want except you and nobody will be as sorry as yourself if you don’t fight for it. I know that I will continue to work hard and chase my dreams. The only time I will ever look back is to see how far I’ve come. I’m taking it one day at a time and I guess that’s all I can do. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and I am so grateful to have an opportunity like this to express myself. I can’t say what’s next for me, but I can say with certainty that wherever life takes me, I will be putting my heart and soul into it. All I want to do is be on stage and I’m grateful to be living my dream now. The best is yet to come and the only way I can predict the future is if I create it! Tomorrow is never promised, so today I want my family and friends to know how thankful I am for each and every one of you and how lucky I am to have them in my life. Without the love and support of my family I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Editor’s Note: Lexa Paige is now appearing at Copa Room Show & Nightclub.

Our advice to parents is, “Get Ready To Relax!” We’ve done all the leg work to make sure you can stretch out and enjoy a few days in Miami on foot or out on the road. We’ve started in the heart of South Beach, the area between South Pointe Park at 1st Street and the open-air pedestrian mall Lincoln Road just 17 blocks to the north. The city can be easily navigated on foot or utilizing our 25 cent South Beach Local bus line which provides access to all of the area’s attractions for an attractive price.

Your first South Beach decision is choosing a family friendly hotel. While most of the older, restored Art Deco properties are charming and authentic, the rooms tend to be smaller and the resort amenities nonexistent. For parents with little ones in tow, the beach-front resorts along Collins Avenue offer the best of all worlds. Some hotels will even take the kids off your hands for a while so you can spend some vacation time recapturing that honeymoon tingle that faded away once you traded up to a mini-van.

Check out the Loews Miami Beach Hotel at 1601 Collins Avenue where children (and pets) are a priority. From the moment you check in, your kids are welcomed with an age appropriate gift. Guests who reserve one of the special pet-friendly rooms also receive a pet bowl and treat at the front desk along with a dog walking map and a list of local services including grooming and veterinary information. It’s a great help to travel weary parents to know that connecting rooms are available as well as junior suites with a pull out couch to suit the kids in the living room. There are eleven ocean-front tower suites featuring over 750 square feet of living space, which can accommodate 2 rollaway beds in the area, adjoining the king-sized bedroom. Older kids have the option of borrowing portable DVD players, raiding a stash of age-appropriate movies and signing out Game Boys at the front desk too. Loews features five different family dining options including the American steak house Preston’s, Lure Fishbar, Sushi SoBe and the more casual Nautilus pool-side grill and SoBe coffee bar.

All restaurants provide kid’s menus and offer individual table-side personal DVD players to keep kids happy while their parents dine. SoBe Scoops is a kid-tastic ice cream and candy shop with cones, shakes and Starbucks too! Loews fitness program includes both indoor and beach-front training options as well as a KidsFit class for youngsters interested in health and nutrition.

At the southern end of Ocean Drive, the South Beach Marriott Stanton at 161 Ocean Drive offers families the option of a pull out couch for kids staying in their parent’s one bedroom suite. There are only 8 such rooms available at this ocean-front property, but no adjoining rooms on site. Newly renovated guest-rooms feature 32 inch flat panel televisions with WebTV and high speed internet access. There are no organized children’s programs available at this time, but the hotel has an activities center with movies and Game Boys available for rent. One mom-friendly feature this Marriott has that can’t be beat —Starbucks! Right downstairs.

The second Marriott facility on South Beach is the Marriott Courtyard at 1530 Washington Avenue. This hotel is two blocks from the ocean and much closer to the pedestrian mall Lincoln Road and the Miami Beach Convention Center. This smaller property offers family travelers the option of connecting guest rooms or 4 suites with a separate living area with a pull out couch. While there are no children’s programs available, the rooftop pool offers visitors a bird’s eye view of the city below. The stroller set will find access to the nearby shops and cafes of Washington Avenue and Espanola Way – a real convenience.

The Hilton Hotels include the Hilton Bentley directly on the ocean and the Grand Vacations Club at 1430 Ocean Drive. This jewel box classic Art Deco renovation is located at the northern end of Ocean Drive, just across the street from Lummus Park and the ocean. An all suite property, this 52 room hotel feels quite intimate in scale. Families can select from a one bedroom option suitable for 4 people, or a two bedroom suite with a pull out couch in the living room area that suits up to six. Because this hotel is a smaller, 3 level conversion, there is no hotel pool, just a Jacuzzi-style hot tub at the roof level sun deck.

Two seaside options include the recently renovated Surfcomber at 1717 Collins Avenue and the chic Sagamore Hotel at 1671 Collins Avenue where guest suites and poolside bungalows are perfect for families seeking a little extra room. Offering an ideal location just north of the hubbub of Ocean Drive and a 2 block walk to the Miami Beach Convention Center, these two options are perfect for a seaside South Beach Escape.

Once you’ve decided which hotel fits your family and your budget, it’s your option to hire a rental car and venture out on the highways of South Florida or to spend a few days exploring the area on foot. South Beach has so many interesting places to play and dine; most people leave the driving to taxis and busses. You simply need to decide if this trip will involve a few quiet days enjoying each other in the sun and surf, or if you’re the sort of family that’s happier “On the Go…”

The streets of South Beach are stroller-friendly and easy to navigate on foot most of the time. You can pile your luggage into a taxi at the airport and not see the inside of a car again until it’s time to head back home. Cabs offer a flat fee to South Beach so the entire family can transfer from the airport for just under $40. The shops, cafes and bars in the area south of 23 Street are simple to sort out and you’ll soon find all you need to make the trip a relaxing escape. The $2.65 Airport Flyer Bus travels from Miami International Airport to South Beach making stops along Collins Avenue from 41st Street south to 17th Street and then along Washington Avenue from Lincoln Road Mall south to First Street.

Your plan of action for a vacation without a rental car might include a morning walk on the strand called Lummus Park, which runs along the beach on Ocean Drive. This tropical green space attracts the area’s bike and in-line skate enthusiasts so proceed with caution. A great family-friendly adventure, the Baywalk surrounding the city is fun to explore with a stroller, skates or on bicycles.

Start your day at the Front Porch Cafe at 1437 Ocean Drive and treat the kids to an alfresco breakfast that will please even the most finicky eater. If you decide you’d like to try a tropical bike ride or you think you can still get up and running on skates, stop by the Miami Beach Bicycle Center at 601 Fifth Street or check out Fritz’s Skate Shop at 1620 Washington Avenue. Get the gang rolling along the Art Deco wonder that is Ocean Drive and then take a break and check out the beach a while. Be certain to pop some cool drinks into your beach bag and always remember to keep everyone protected with a healthy dose of sunscreen.

Later in the day, you’ll find that Lincoln Road Mall is a wonderful place to spend time with the family. This open-air pedestrian mall offers a full range of dining and shopping options from the most familiar mall stores to the more esoteric galleries and antique shops. On Sundays in the Fall, you can check out the Farmer’s Green Market stalls featuring local produce and tropical plants. There are crafts on sale and even a balloon-twisting clown to entertain the kids at the Euclid Avenue circle. On alternate Sundays at the west side of the mall, the Lincoln Road Antique and Flea Market gets going well before dawn and offers a wealth of vintage treasures until 5pm. Even if your suitcases are already filled to the brim, you’ll find that people watching on the Mall is an inexpensive way to spend a few hours soaking up a little local color.

Best dining options for a busy family on Lincoln Mall include Segafredo Cafe at 1040 Lincoln at the Lenox Avenue intersection. After a busy stroll to the western end of the promenade, choose from an eclectic collection of overstuffed chairs and tiny cafe tables set up around a sparkling fountain. Settle in for a quick drink, a strong espresso and a few panini sandwiches to fortify your brood. This hang out for exhausted local shoppers and savvy tourists is a hub of activity day and night. Your kids will meet new friends and discover the tiny pampered dogs everyone brings to South Beach. You’ll get a chance to rest your tired dogs as well and sample the light bites on the menu or a reasonably priced cocktail from the full bar. There’s always music playing and enough activity to keep everyone distracted while you catch your second wind.

Feeling less bohemian and more like a burger? Kids love the Shake Shack at 1111 Lincoln Road, one of the first Florida locations of this popular New York restaurant chain. Yardhouse Bar & Grill recently opened just across the street serving sandwiches, salads and dozens of draft beers. While some locals complain that the charm of the Mall has faded with the opening of chain restaurants, Pottery Barn and the Gap, it’s sometimes a comfort to see a few familiar spots in the mix. Serendipity 3 is also part of the New York dining experience and the 1102 Lincoln Road location boasts the same sweet treats Manhattan kids love. Pizza Rustica at 667 Lincoln sells pizza by the slice with your choice of topping so every member of the family can sample a favorite.

To sample a little of the local Cuban cuisine, grab the gang and check out Havana 1957 at 819 Lincoln Road. This breezy sidewalk cafe can feed a family to bursting with savory Latin clasics. Try their delicious Arroz Con Pollo, a chicken and yellow rice entre that’s big enough to share. There are plenty of kid friendly options and a delicious Bistec Empanizado, a breaded thin cut steak that’s best with a hearty side of black beans and rice. If you’re running low on energy after such a filling meal, try a thimble-sized portion of cafe Cubano, which is jet fuel in a cup for those unused to the sugary espresso that keeps Miamians hopping.

Dining out on a budget is easier than you might imagine on Miami Beach. Start the day at A la Folie cafe on the rustic enclave known as Espanola Way. This tiny French bakery at 516 Espanola serves as a morning respite for many a South Beacher. If you’re heading for the beach and want to bring along a delicious sack lunch, La Sandwicherie is just east of Espanola at 229 14th Street. This stand-up lunch counter packs a mean baguette (or fresh baked croissant) with freshly sliced deli meats, healthy salads and hoagie combos that are sure to please. Healthy eaters might like something from their juice bar including fresh fruit smoothies and veggie options as well. If your kids like pizza, at 731 Lincoln Road Mall the pizza restaurant Spris has a “Beat the Clock” menu from 5:30pm – 7pm with kid-friendly pizzas discounted to the time you order. Get a plain, olive or spicy salami pizza at 5:30pm for $5.30, at 6pm the price is $6 (regularly priced up to $10).

Five Guys Burgers at 15th and Washington has juicy burgers and the greatest fries in town with toppings from traditional to international. For a great night out, take everyone to the south end of town and check out the back patio at Smith & Wollensky which faces the waterway where Miami’s magnificent cruise ships steam out to sea around 5pm. This classic steakhouse at 1 Washington Avenue offers burgers, salads and sandwiches at lunchtime making this an affordable option. Follow your lunch with a walk along the boardwalk through South Pointe Park to the tiki bar Monty’s Sunset at the Miami Beach Marina where there’s a full-sized swimming pool in the middle of the restaurant!

Got a Sweet Tooth? One of the best things about making your way around South Beach on foot is the sheer number of great ice cream options from the basic chocolate and vanilla to the sublime green tea sorbet crafted by the Frieze Ice Cream Factory at 1626 Michigan Ave. This little hole-in-the-wall supplies fresh-made delights to Miami’s top restaurants, but offers all flavors by the scoop day and night. Further north at 1855 Purdy Avenue, check out the cakes Oprah declared “Best in America” at the Ice Box Cafe. Opened for brunch, lunch and dinner, the sidewalk dining option is perfect for families.

If the day is warm and your kids are feeling energetic, take everyone to Flamingo Park to experience South Beach’s unique under water playground at 11th Street and Jefferson Avenue. This well-maintained public park at the heart of the city’s residential area offers gym, tennis and sporting activities all day long. For just $4, non-resident kids can frolic in just 15 inches of water at the interactive play pool. There are locker rooms, showers and concession stands on site to make the day a breeze for visitors from 8:30am until sundown. Flamingo Park’s aquatic facilities are a great option for families staying at smaller hotels without a pool. Be sure to check out the shady playground area and the Bark Park, a dog run where all of South Beach meets and greets fellow dog enthusiasts.

If you decide to expand your South Florida experience beyond the South Beach neighborhood, there are lots of great attractions to visit, and your first stop should be Watson Island and the tropical zoo called Jungle Island. Located just off I-395 and the MacArthur Causeway, the park is home to tropical birds, monkeys, wild cats and a 40 pound lizard named Godzilla! Your kids have the option of getting up close and personal with the animals or sitting back to watch hourly shows at the park pavilions. Presentations of just 20 minutes duration feature Winged Wonders, Reptile Giants, and Wild Encounters. Afterward, there’s an opportunity to feed tame animals and even get a photo taken holding some of the friendlier species. The park’s flamingo filled Lakeside Cafe has a few kid sized meals including burgers, hot dogs, chicken fingers and grilled cheese – all under $5.

For a more aerobic adventure, take the family to Sunny Isles Oleta River State Park where bikes, kayaks and canoes are available for hourly rental. Just 5 minutes west of the Ocean, this tropical inland waterway is best known for off road bike trails, beautiful mangrove forest preserves and 1,200 feet of sand beaches for swimming and saltwater fishing. The Blue Marlin Cafe at 2500 NE 163rd Street offers a full seafood menu and also features environmental displays of the park’s ecosystem. Kid’s options including pizza are available for under $7 plus a range of fruit juices, milk slammers and Good Humor Ice Cream bars.

For landlubbers on the go, the nearby Enchanted Forest Elaine Gordon Park at 1725 NE 135th Street in North Miami has 2 playgrounds, 22 acres of nature trails and supervised horse back riding from dawn to dusk. Ponies are saddled up and ready to go or simply available to pet and feed for kids too shy to ride. South of town at 15980 SW 248th Street in Homestead, the Knauss Berry Farm is a popular spot for visitors on their way to Monkey Jungle or the Florida Keys. Just across the street from the Redlands Middle School, this fruit stand is owned and operated by German Baptist farmers who wear traditional garb and specialize in delicious freshly picked strawberry milkshakes and gooey cinnamon swirl breakfast buns. From the end of January through early April, guests are welcome to pick their own strawberries and tomatoes. The stand is opened from 8am-5:30pm, Monday through Saturday and closed from April through Thanksgiving.

Nearby and worth a visit is the famous Monkey Jungle at 14805 SW 216th Street in Cutler Ridge. Founded in 1933 as a study habitat for primate behavior, this wildlife park now welcomes thousands of visitors who wander through caged enclosures while the monkeys roam free. The gift shop sells raisins for brave young visitors to feed the hungry monkeys via little snack cups dangling from chains. Be aware that the monkeys will reach through the enclosures for a hand out – so keep an eye on the little ones. Be sure to check out the Amazonian Rain Forest Exhibit and the Wild Monkey Swimming Pool. Trainers are on site to answer questions and provide a training demonstration called, “Hangin’ With Orangs.”

Not Pooped Yet? Miami’s Zoo is open 365 days a year from 9:30-5:30 just off the turnpike at SW 124th Avenue. For visitors who’d rather take public transportation, the Coral Reef Max bus leaves the Dadeland South Metrorail Station for a 20 minute ride out to the park. Zoo Miami will show kids how animals build their homes, hide from their predators, attract their mates and even send messages to each other. The interactive exhibits teach kids all the wonders of nature with photos, 3-D models and audio labs that allow kids to listen to an animal’s distinctive calls. Also at the zoo, kids can learn all about the animals at a Wildlife Show at noon, 2pm and 4:30pm. There are hourly Keeper Talks at exhibits around the park where trained handlers demonstrate the care and feeding of the wart hogs, tigers, rhinos and more. To learn about the delicate ecosystem in South Florida, kids are encouraged to feed injured resident pelicans on the mend at the Pelican Feeding Encounter.

If you’ve traveled this far south and still crave adventure, it’s just another hop, skip and jump from Miami to the Florida Keys and John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park – America’s First Undersea Park at mile marker 102.5 in Key Largo. Established in 1963, this marine sanctuary encompasses 178 nautical square miles of coral reefs and mangrove swamps. Treat your family to a glimpse at the only living coral reef in the continental United States. Visit the ranger station to learn about guided nature walks, environmental programs and the hundreds of animals who make their home at the park. The visitor center welcomes guests from 8am-5pm daily and features a spectacular 30,000 gallon salt water aquarium. Activities on site include camping, fishing, swimming at Canon Beach, and a glass bottom boat tour at 9:15am, 12:15 and 3pm.

For those visiting with older children who are strong swimmers, John Pennekamp Park offers both snorkeling and scuba tours on wheelchair-friendly dive boats at 9am, noon and 3pm. A two-hour dive highlights the living, shallow-water coral reefs under the watchful eye of trained park staff members. All equipment is available for rental including wet suits during colder months. A four hour sailing and snorkeling tour on the catamaran Salsa can be arranged along with PADi scuba certification courses at the Camp Dive Shop.

After a long day’s dive, treat everyone to a dockside dinner at the Islamorada Fish Company. Located in the heart of the Upper Keys at 81576 Overseas Highway, the complex includes a massive Bass Pro Shop with a giant salt water aquarium, a life sized replica of Ernest Hemingway’s fishing boat “Pilar,” and outdoor gear for the entire family. Visit the marina office if you decide to spend a day fishing the back-country flats, charter an offshore fishing boat or take a sightseeing ecotour of the nearby reefs. The popular outdoor restaurant serves brunch, lunch and dinner and features a few non-seafood items on their kid’s menu.

Visitors can make a day trip to the Upper Keys or book a night’s stay at any number of independent resorts. Cottages and suites from 1 to 3 bedrooms are available at Islamorada’s Pines and Palms Resort where all rooms come with fully equipped kitchens to have snacks and treats on hand for the kids. This ocean-front lodge at 80401 Old Highway features a freshwater pool as well as two swim ladders off 125 foot docks. The property has single and double kayaks available for offshore exploration as well. There are barbecues to make a picnic dinner on the beach and laundry facilities on site so the sand doesn’t follow you home.

Finally, as you make your way due north to Miami, stop for a minute at the Mutineer Restaurant at the entrance to Florida City – US-1 at Palm Drive. This funky roadside attraction is a favorite for locals who briefly pause in the parking lot to feed resident goats and waterfowl living at the man-made lake. Pick up a box of crackers at a near by convenience store and treat the kids to a quick rest stop before the hour and a half turnpike ride back to the Beach…

Before you know it, you’ll find yourself back in Miami and off on your final adventure. Spend your last memorable day out on Biscayne Bay aboard one of the kid-friendly tour boats circling Miami. The most novel approach to organized sightseeing is the amphibious motor coaches operated by the Duck Tours South Beach. Quirky and well-informed tour guides offer a great deal of information about the highlights of the city and then Whoosh! The coach descends into the Bay and turns itself into a boat. The 90-minute tours originate at the Visitor’s Center near Lincoln Mall and also Downtown at the Bayside Marketplace.

Second only to the Duck Tour is the El Loro Pirate Ship which sets sail daily from Bayside Marketplace in downtown Miami and thrills young passengers with a Pirate’s Eye View of the city. The bright red pirate ship sails for just over an hour through the Venetian Islands and the waterways behind celebrity mansions. Once you disembark at Bayside, treat the kids to a quick snack at the second floor food court or enjoy a lovely dinner at Los Ranchos Latin style steak and seafood grill. Hearty portions of skirt steak, fajitas and baby back ribs are suitable for sharing, or kids can enjoy beef or chicken nuggets or mozzarella sticks for just $6. The burger and salad crowd still flocks to the Hard Rock Cafe, 401 Biscayne Boulevard, where vintage music memorabilia lines the walls and classic rock music fills the air. Try not to wince when your kids are entirely unmoved by bands you knew and loved… one man’s Elmo is another man’s Elvis. There will be plenty of time to bridge the generation gap on future family vacations. Meanwhile, enjoy your time together in sunny Miami Beach.

“SoFi” – the enclave South of Fifth Street – was once considered a bit of a dead zone for tourists, but these days it’s a vibrant destination in it’s own right. Some locals who have discovered SoFi actually gave up their landlocked houses to purchase condos in the clouds along Government Cut, and there are multi-million dollar high rises all along the southern shore of Miami Beach that are first- and second-homes for wealthy business people and more than a few big-name celebrities.

If you are unfamiliar with the area and want to explore the southernmost part of the city, book a room at the Hilton Bentley Miami/South Beach on the Ocean, the less expensive Ocean Drive boutique hotel called Century or the hip, British-inspired hideout Lord Balfour Hotel. Some folks prefer to splurge on their hotel room, others keep their cash on hand for gourmet dining or a grand shopping spree. The southern tip of South Beach makes both options possible.

Once you have picked a room, head out for a great big breakfast at Big Pink, a high energy, family-style restaurant with portions large enough to share and prices that will not break the bank. Opened early and also quite late, Big Pink is a popular option for locals and visitors who follow the crowds to this busy corner. Just down the street, Starbucks is brewing in the ground floor of the Marriott Stanton South Beach on Ocean Drive. If you’d rather grab a joe and go – this is the place to start your day.

If you’ve come to South Beach to explore the club scene, why not start early with brunch at Nikki Beach Club. The only draw back to the sumptuous spread the chefs prepare is the sight of all the toned and tan bodies making their way to the canopied sun beds out back. How can you ask for another breakfast pastry when the perky girls at the next table weigh next to nothing? Be brave – have seconds!

After a day at the beach or a stroll through South Pointe Park, you’re certain to need an afternoon pick me up. A great spot for happy hour is the tiki hut bar at the Miami Beach Marina called Monty’s Sunset. Because this popular spot is located on the west side of town, you’re sure to meet plenty of boaters who’ve spent the day working up a mighty thirst. If you’re tempted to join them on the water, Club Nautico will rent you a speedboat right in front of the bar. Relax and enjoy drink specials and peel-and-eat shrimp while a band plays under the thatched-roof stage. You might be tempted to stay for dinner, but there are more stops on this SoFi bar crawl so point your flip-flops due east and head for the shore.

Smith & Wollensky is a popular steakhouse chain with a great location at the edge of the island behind South Pointe Park. There are a few choice tables out back facing Government Cut and the spectacular cruise ships steaming out to sea. This is where you want to be for a late lunch or an early afternoon cocktail. Juicy burgers and a belly-busting club sandwich are the hidden treasures on the lunch menu so don’t be afraid to ask. Steaks are a very popular option in SoFi and the best of them are available nearby at Prime 112 or RED, the Steakhouse. Make S&W an afternoon stop or happy hour at the breezy beach house restaurant at the Sense South Beach Hotel called The Local House for 2-4-1 drinks or bottomless mimosas.

If you want to try something a bit more exotic, Tap Tap Restaurant is like a trip to a tropical Caribbean Island right on South Beach. The walls are brightly painted, the cuisine features fresh seafood prepared with a tropical flair and on weekends there’s live music to complete the journey. No other restaurant in town makes you feel like you’re on vacation quite like Tap Tap. After your dinner, explore some of the quiet lounges South of Fifth Street to party with the locals.

Your first stop for a quiet cocktail should always be Ted’s Hideaway, a decidedly “regular guy” bar that seems to attract a who’s-who of South Beach hipsters. A great spot to watch sports by day or shoot a quick game of pool on your way back from the beach, Ted’s is an attitude-free Cheers-type bar where everyone might just know your name before you leave… Around the corner, a little bar called Room has a loyal and devoted following. Dark, mellow and definitely “chill,” Room is the place you’ll brag about discovering weeks after you get back home. To watch your favorite team, a cult movie or sip specialty bourbon in South Beach style, stop into Radio Bar on First Street.

If we’ve convinced you to explore the SoFi district, there are a few coming attractions to sweeten the deal. Siena Tavern, the Italian restaurant that makes visiting Chicago so much fun, is opening an outpost in SoFi soon. Likewise check out Texas De Brazil Churrascaria Steakhouse which serves all the meat you care to eat just above Monty’s Sunset at the Miami Beach Marina. And finally, the best incentive of all – Joe’s Stone Crabs serves great local seafood October through April (and some nights in the summertime too). If you can’t endure the endless wait at the bar to have dinner, enjoy lunch like a local and enjoy the chowder, the claws and the key lime pie with all of the trimmings and none of the hassle.

SoFi is So Good!

Launched quietly at the opening of the infamous boutique hotel in July 1995, Agua was originally conceived as a women’s bath house by Rita Schrager, the wife of Delano proprietor Ian Schrager. With her friend Leila Fazel, the ex-New York City Ballet dancer and über-hospitality spouse sought a private refuge from the burgeoning madness that was model-aglitter, big-bucks South Beach.

Nearly seven years later, however, Agua has transformed itself into a full-service day spa for both men and women. Offering massages, facials, manicures, pedicures and wet treatments such as Dead Sea salt scrubs and algae wraps, the 2,500-square-foot facility features 11 treatment rooms – three massage rooms, two facial rooms, two aromatherapy rooms, two manicure stations and two wet rooms, one with Vichy shower, the other with Swiss shower.

But a key ingredient in Agua’s success is that it reaches far beyond the traditional massage or spa treatment. In the now sacred names of healing and wellness, it invokes the centuries-old principles of East Indian Ayurvedic medicine, which emphasizes prevention over cure. As a result, Agua is much more than a place to get a sports massage, although that popular service is readily available.

What sets Agua apart, says New York model-turned-spa-director Jenna Ward, is a bold, innovative combination of design, ambiance, the quality of its therapists and technicians, and the spectrum of services offered from its vast roster.

The stylishly monochromatic white-on-white interior, created by Philippe Starck, the celebrated visionary who crafted the Delano’s quirky and universally acclaimed public spaces, is conjured from “walls” of billowy white curtains softly illuminated by available light from windows on all four sides of the converted penthouse suite. White columns, floors, walls and ceilings complete the soothingly ethereal, other-worldly ambiance. There is also a 700-square-foot rooftop solarium painted Mediterranean blue and furnished with comfortable tanning chairs and futons. Most treatments are available outdoors or indoors.

But despite its breath-taking aesthetics, it is the A-list quality and experience of Agua’s 40 licensed massage therapists and 10 other technicians that keep its most well-heeled clients – models, celebrities, titans of industry – coming back. “What people like that really need is a place where they can relax,” says Ward, who transformed her own high-stress life through the study of Eastern philosophy with an Indian guru in the early 1990’s. “Our goal is to create an environment where they can experience something within themselves they don’t ordinarily get a chance to experience.”

Emotional release, Ward says, can be accomplished with a wide range of treatments and techniques, from a Reiki massage to an Eve Lom facial – Agua is the only spa in the U.S. that provides the highly-regarded Londoner’s holistic and revolutionary approach to skin care. “Her philosophy is that you can actually help your body function better by moving lymph around and cleaning out your system,” says Ward. “It also reduces the bags under your eyes and enables your system to operate better by draining all the toxins you accumulate from eating too many fatty foods and drinking too much.”

Agua’s list of massage options includes every major discipline, from Swedish and Shiatsu to cranio-sacral, Reiki, reflexology and neuromuscular.

The spa’s signature body treatment is a Milk & Honey, available for either an hour or a half-hour. A mixture of warm organic sesame oil – a traditional ingredient in Ayurvedic medicine – and organic honey is massaged into the body. It is then removed with a rinse of warm milk. The result is a deep hydration of the skin, meant to be left on overnight without showering.

A popular package is a Milk & Honey combined with a salt scrub or an algae wrap. “The two treatments complement one another because they both detoxify and re-mineralize your system,” says Ward.

Other popular treatments include another European facial by Biologique; a “manual lift” facial that uses massage to tighten and tone the muscles of the face; a collagen eye mask; a half-hour neck and scalp massage; acupuncture; guided meditation; tai chi; qi gong and a 90-minute yoga class, available at the David Barton Gym in the hotel. Massages are also available in tents by the Delano’s swimming pool.

For spa director Ward, watching the evolution of Agua’s services over the past six years has been a revelation. “What is most amazing and rewarding to me is to see people learn that it is possible to change their lives,” she says. Today, she says, stress reduction and self-realization are high priorities for high achievers – and the results can often be awe-inspiring. She offers the powerful example of corporate CEO’s who attended a Delano retreat for advertisers hosted by Heart Magazines and featuring writer Carolyn Myss, author of Anatomy of a Spirit. Ward saw corporate chiefs reduced to tears by the spontaneous release of emotions. “If you can open up their hearts for a millisecond, then the door is open for change,” Ward observes. “People at a certain level have done just about everything and when they bump into this kind of insight it’s because they’re ready for it. That’s an understanding that shifted my whole way of looking at the world.”

Accidental Goat Sodomy
Angry Amputees
Angry Samoans
Arrogant Worms
Arthur Loves Plastic

Bertha Does Moosejaw
Biff Hitler and the Violent Mood Swings
Bingo Hand Job
Bloated Scrotum
Bloody Stools
Bumgravy

Cap’n Crunch and the Cereal Killers
Cherry Coke Enema
Chickens On Smack

The Do I Look Like I Give a Fuck Band
Drew Barrymore’s Dealer
Drunks With Guns

Electric Vomit
The Elvis Diet
Ethyl Meatplow

The Fat Chick from Wilson Phillips Band
’57 Lesbian
Five Fat Guys Who Rock
Fix My Head
Flatutory Rape
The French are from Hell
Fuck Me, Suck Me, and Call Me Helen
Fudge Tunnel

Gag Factor
The Glands of External Secretion
Goldfish Don’t Bounce
The Ed Gein Fan Club
The Go Kill Yourselves
Gregg Turner and the Blood Drained Cows
Guess My Perversion

The Hair & Skin Trading Co.
Half Man, Half Biscuit
Halo of Flies
Hamster Sandwich
Hard-Drinkin’ Housewives
Head Like a Hole?
He’s Dead Jim
Hindu Garage Sale
Hitler Stole My Potato
Hornets Attack Victor Mature

The I Just Killed My Parents Band
The Insult That Made a Man Out of Mac
Iowa Beef Experience
Iron Prostate
It’s All Meat

Jabbering Trout
Jif and the Choosy Mothers
Joan of Arkansas

LawnSmell
Lubricated Goat
The Luminous Toilet Bowls
Lung Mustard

Meat Beat Manifesto
Men Among Poodles
My Dog Has Hitler’s Brain
My Uncle’s Asshole
My White Bread Mom

Nasal Sex With Broken Glass
Nearly Died Laughing While Shaving My Butt
The Negro Problem
New Squids on the Dock
Not With My Camel

Painful Discharge
People With Chairs Up Their Noses
Pieces of Lisa
Poonanie Cramp-Up
Poultry in Motion
Prison Rape Scenes
Public Enema Number One
Purple Headed Love Warriors

Radical Vulvetomy
Rats of Unusual Size

Sandy Duncan’s Eye
Scoring Dope for the Ultimate Woman
7 Foot Spleen
Sex With Midgets
Sheep On Drugs
69% Female
Smelly Tongues
Snuff the Ficus
Space Negroes
Spocks Johnson
Stop Calling Me Frank
Susanne and the Guys With Ties
Swingin’ Udders

Tastes Like Chicken
Technosquid Eats Parliament
Ted Bundy’s Volkswagen
This Is Serious, Mum
3D House of Beef
To Live and Shave in LA
Too Fat to Skate

Uncle Bob Touched Me

Vic Morrow’s Head
Violent Anal Death
Vomit Launch
Voodoo Meat Bucket

Walking With Edna
Was I Naked
When People Were Shorter and Lived By the Water

The Yeasty Girls

(Rock & Roll is not pretty)

Before your trip, clearly establish a few basic ground rules. Talk to each person attending the bash and determine their personal boundaries BEFORE you book your tickets. Communicate clearly the logistics, the expenses and the general nature of the vacation. Some girls like to get together to bond, relax, get a tan and talk about the particulars of the upcoming wedding, while others see a bachelorette party as a farewell to the meat market and a last hurrah as single women. Some girls really do want to be “bad” (like the boys) with male strippers, then rely upon useless promises that no one back home can EVER hear about what really happened on the trip.

The bride should be the first to decide what kind of party she wants. After that, be certain each guest is comfortable with all of the events so that no one returns home with a bruised ego. Even if planning this trip falls entirely on your shoulders and you want to reserve a few surprises for the girls, be mindful of the fact that the energy and expense you invest in planning a Destination Bachelorette is too great for anyone to end up in tears. Simply put, before you go, know your group, communicate your plans, and avoid hurt feelings. Your friends will thank you, the bride will thank you… and the groom? Well, “what happened in South Beach” will make him wish he had friends like you!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Hotel choices range from extravagant to simply practical. You can reserve a few simple rooms and save your party funds for restaurants and bars, or you can Go VIP and let the hotel do the hard work for you. At the top of the line, you and your guests might opt for the celeb’s favorite – Delano Hotel (1685 Collins Avenue). The Delano Pool is all about people watching, so you’ll need to bring your A-Game in terms of hot swimwear and sexy cover-ups. Bachelorettes can book an exclusive day-into-night beach cabana or opt for a swank, 2 level poolside bungalow that’s the most luxurious townhouse in the city. Either option gives you a front row seat at the hottest show in town. If the bride is a bit of a Diva who likes to tan and be pampered, the Delano will definitely rub her the right way!

Agua at the Delano is a rooftop, girls-only spa featuring full-service salon treatments and a clothing optional sun deck. Plan a full day of spa services for all of the girls to celebrate this special time away together. Get your bodies soothed and smoothed so you’ll look your best before you hit the town. Plan dinner at the hotel’s new Bianca Restaurant starting with cocktails at the adjoining Rose Bar where guests meet and mingle over a game of pool or a flute of champagne. Everything about the Delano feels chic and sexy and all areas, including the spa, cabanas and the terraced dining platform, are open to reservations even if you aren’t a hotel guest. Definitely check it all out!

If a spa vacation sounds like something you and the girls would enjoy, think about a totally relaxing stay at The Standard Hotel (40 Island Avenue), Miami’s first adults-only full service bath house. Located on the west side of town, this place is considered the “antidote” to South Beach where the focus is on quiet, rest and relaxation. But don’t worry – all the best nightclubs are only a 5-minute cab ride away! This east coast version of Los Angeles’ hippest hotel chain features an outdoor pool with a Roman waterfall hot tub, a full service and self service spa and a co-ed Turkish style Hammam (steam bath). Unlike the Delano, The Standard is quiet, sophisticated, and entirely casual.

To experience both a quiet escape by day and a rocking good time by night, reserve a few “wet rooms” at the Standard and enjoy outdoor bathtubs filled with customized aromatherapy soaks right on your terrace. Wrap yourselves in the spa’s white terry robes and make your way to the bay front pool area to sample a Golden Body Mud Bath. Swim in the chlorine free pool to the tune of underwater speakers piping in music spun by the in-house DJ. If you’re too relaxed to bother leaving the property for lunch, you’ll be happy to know that Eric Ripert of New York’s Le Bernardin restaurant supervised the spa menu served poolside. No matter how much trouble you manage to find after hours, it may be a comfort to know that the Standard has the cure for whatever ails you once the sun rises on Biscayne Bay.

Other top-level hotel options include the Ritz-Carlton South Beach, the brand new Crowne Plaza South Beach – Z Ocean Hotel on Ocean Drive, or the very sophisticated Hotel Victor. Each property can cater a lavish bachelorette weekend with spa service, luxurious food and drink and extravagant accommodations. Plan a night of exploring the best South Beach lounges and try to see them all. To give you an idea of the subtle differences in hotel style, we’ll start our tour at the very elegant Ritz-Carlton.

The Ritz-Carlton South Beach (One Lincoln Road) is perhaps the most conservative choice of all. What distinguishes the Ritz is the level of service, the quiet quality of the hotel staff and the gourmet cuisine at the Bistro One restaurant. On Thursdays, the Ritz spa will host a Bubbles and Blowouts Party for your group featuring French Champagne, imported cheeses and fresh fruit. All the girls can have professional stylists blow dry their hair to pitch perfect glamour before a hot night out on the town. Every Tuesday and Thursday from noon to 5pm the spa will treat your group to a free mimosa and 20% off all spa and salon services.

In the morning, try a quick pick-me-up at the DiLido Beach Club and then a day of sun and surf. While the outdoor menu is light and healthful, the atmosphere at the beach club is as sexy as a day on the Mediterranean. A DJ takes over when the sun goes down, transforming this oceanside spot into an open-air lounge. Best bet for your plans? The Friday night happy hour and Sunday’s special menu. Even if your plans don’t include an expensive hotel, be sure you and the girls hit the Beach Club at the Ritz.

The Hotel Victor (1144 Ocean Drive) is a little less exclusive, but a lot more wild. Imagine a sexy weekend house party hosted at one of the best MTV Cribs. The Victor looks like something out of a stylized music video. Perhaps that’s why this is the favorite haunt of celebs in the music business. With only 90 rooms including a spectacular penthouse, you can party like a rock star right on Ocean Drive. At the top of the property, enjoy a 4000 square foot indoor/outdoor penthouse accessible only by private elevator. This two bedroom, three-bath suite features a 360-degree view of South Beach and the Atlantic Ocean. The living and dining areas have plasma screen surround sound TVs and there’s a hot tub out on the terrace. If you’ve got the budget, a penthouse party at the Victor truly is the Top of the World!

Roof top hot tubs and custom massages also figure prominently into the guest experience at the new Crowne Plaza South Beach – Z Ocean Hotel (1458 Ocean Drive). While most Ocean Drive hotels are renovated Art Deco properties, this low-rise building was designed to resemble a modern cruise ship. Each guest suite feels like the perfect apartment including gourmet kitchens and lavish baths. Taking advantage of the prime Ocean Drive location, every suite has a wrap-around terrace and some have private hot tubs overlooking the glass bottom pool. Best bet for a larger group are the suites opening onto the pool deck which offer sheer fabric drapes that slide around the patio to create an impromptu private cabana.

The Z Ocean Hotel’s 5 star service staff includes butlers who can make magic happen 24 hours a day. From spa service on the secluded rooftop garden to a chef’s tasting menu prepared just for the bachelorettes in your suite, no request is too extraordinary for the professionals at the Z Ocean Hotel.

South Beach Bites
We have some great ideas for group gatherings at the city’s most popular cafes and lounges. Tapas lounges are everywhere on South Beach right now which makes it easy to enjoy a variety of little dishes as you make your way about town. The most fashion-forward spots are Gusto Vino & Cafe (59 West Avenue), Barceloneta (1400 20 Street), and Mayas Tapas & Grill (809 Lincoln Road). Plan a group happy hour at any of these small cafes to warm up the night before you hit the clubs. Mayas Tapas has 2 for 1 pricing weekday evenings and Gusto Vino offers a $10 karaoke ladies night with all you care to drink on Mondays, or an unlimited tapas buffet on Thursdays with cocktails and a DJ.

If the Bride to Be is interested in a wine tasting, take everyone for a Sip and Savor Night at Wine Depot & Bistro (555 Jefferson Avenue) or the cool Spanish-style hideaway Tapas y Tintos (448 Espanola Way). For a more exotic escape, try one of South Beach’s Hookah Lounges where everyone can sample the fruit flavored smoke of a Middle Eastern Water Pipe. The D’vine Hookah Lounge (455 Lincoln Road) has cozy couches right on the sidewalks of Lincoln Road Mall and the Di Lido Beach Club lets you chill right by the sea (1 Lincoln Road). Top Chef Andrew Balick serves tapas and discount drinks at his “Miami Five-O” happy hour at the Di Lido Friday nights starting at 5pm. Enjoy a DJ spinning lounge music, sip champagne and feast on fresh oysters and bar bites priced by the hour at just $5 at 5pm, $6 at 6pm and so on. Sundays the girls can enjoy an old-fashioned beachfront crab boil from 4-7pm with Southern Comfort cocktails and $5 beer.

For a more Asian approach to the tapas menu, check out the Southeast Asian street food menu at Lantao Kitchen + Cocktails at the Surfcomber Hotel (1717 Collins Avenue) or Chow Down Grill, a funky Chinese restaurant & sushi bar featuring dim sum tidbits and strong tropical cocktails. Chow Down (920 Alton Road) knows how to throw a party, so every night from 4-7pm and once again from 10pm-5am there are drink specials and board games in the lounge plus great music, a DJ and a friendly clubhouse vibe. Closer to the beach, discover another sushi party spot — Bond Street Lounge at the TownHouse Hotel (150 20th Street). If the girls like sushi, no one does it better than Bond Street. From top to bottom, the TownHouse provides the perfect setting for a bachelorette hang out. Bond Street features an ultra modern party atmosphere, great food and cool music. Start out with a few nibbles and then take the group up to the rooftop lounge from 8pm – 2am to enjoy a panoramic view of South Beach from their bright red waterbeds!

Tucked away in the west side warehouse district, a number of new restaurants and bars attract local foodies and clever travelers seeking the quieter side of South Beach. Attracted by cheaper rents and a large population of condo owners, these destination restaurants can provide a group of bachelorettes a more mellow night of good food and friendly conversation. Discover an authentic taste of Spain’s tapas-style dining at Barceloneta Spanish Bistro (1400 20 Street). This tiny west side haunt serves indoors and alfresco so you and the girls can eat, sample regional wines and socialize. The restaurant’s owners also host adjoining restaurants Pubbelly and Pubbelly Sushi; fun places to chat and nibble on assorted appetizers of pork, seafood and Asian noodle bowls. As the evening wears on into night, walk around the corner to Purdy Lounge (1811 Purdy Avenue), a classic South Beach dive bar with reggae, rock and DJ nights – the perfect alternative to the velvet rope scene.

Set Yourself Free
While the rest of the world might make you feel like it’s better for boys, girls rule at South Beach nightclubs where the doormen are always welcoming to unescorted girls. We’ve created a nightlife guide especially for the girls to guide you through the maze of clubs and lounges in South Beach. Whether you’re interested in a laid-back barefoot night at Nikki Beach Club (1 Ocean Drive), a thumping round of hip hop beats at SoBe Live (1203 Washington Avenue) or dancing to the latest house music at Mansion (1235 Washington Avenue) there is always something happening on SoBe! If the velvet rope scene isn’t your thing, Thursday nights at Commonwealth (1216 Washington Avenue) are a bachelorettes dream come true – you’ll drink absolutely free all night long! If the bride likes a fun, casual atmosphere where there’s never any attitude, pull on your favorite jeans and join the locals at this all night party spot. Rock n’ roll, 80’s and old school hip hop create a soundtrack that’s guaranteed to keep the girls dancing until 5am.

The Morning After
You’ll find that mornings are often very quiet on South Beach. While everyone sleeps off the effects of the night before, treat the girls to a casual breakfast at Big Pink (157 Collins Avenue), a gourmet diner with sidewalk seating that just happens to lead to the most popular surfer’s beach. Try to focus on your fluffy omelettes and polenta fries as guys who look like they just stepped out of the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog make their way past your table. Our complete brunch guide will help you find food that’s guaranteed to fight the most powerful hangover!

On Sundays, treat the group to the best brunch in the city at the Ritz-Carlton South Beach (1 Lincoln Road) where the desserts are calling your name. A table on the patio overlooking the pool provides the perfect respite from the busy day ahead. The food is fresh, tasty and really plentiful, so when they say “all you can eat,” it’s not difficult to overindulge.

And Don’t Forget Shopping…
If you’ve had your fill of sun and surf, take the girls on a shopping adventure. South Beach has two concentrated areas of sidewalk strolling on lower Collins Avenue and the Lincoln Road pedestrian mall. Collins Avenue from 5th through 9th Streets is an ideal shopping destination with stores as basic as the GAP, Urban Outfitters and Banana Republic and as sophisticated as Barney’s NY COOP and Armani Exchange.

For shopping, strolling and a quick pick-me-up at a sidewalk cafe, Lincoln Road pedestrian mall is as close to Main Street as you’ll find on South Beach. Choose from vintage boutiques to big box department stores, art galleries to day spas. This 10 block promenade serves as the heart of the district for locals and tourists too.

If the thrill of the hunt makes your heart beat faster, take the girls on an outlet shopping day at one of the premier shopping destinations in South Florida. While the Dolphin Outlet Mall (www.shopdolphinmall.com) is closer to South Beach, the best finds are in Broward County at Sawgrass Mills Mall (www.sawgrassmillsmall.com). The latest addition to Sawgrass, the Colonade Outlets features top designer discounters from Neiman Marcus, Barneys, Burberry, Cavalli, Miss Sixty, Escada, Kate Spade, Max Mara and so much more. Both mall websites provide transportation guides so you can coordinate shuttle service for your savvy shoppers.

Bargain hunting might not appeal to your bridal brigade, but no woman can resist an afternoon of designer daydreams at the Bal Harbour Shops. This top dollar destination is just 10 minutes north of South Beach and features the biggest names in fashion. Plan an afternoon of lunch or cocktails and then check out the newest receipts at D&G, Cartier, Chanel and Bulgari. Even if your budget won’t stretch to fit one more Louis Vuitton bag, a quick bite at La Gouloue or Carpaccio and a peek at those Tiffany diamonds does wonders to soothe her pre-wedding jitters.

Can You Keep a Secret?
Sun, sand, shopping and spas all fall well within the parameters of a South Beach holiday. What you need as a final bit of inspiration in planning your escape is the most important element of all – Surprise. While some might think a guy dressed as a sexy policeman who slowly shows you his own interpretation of a Moving Violation is the kind of excitement bachelorettes crave, we’ve decided to take the high road and give you a few pointers on some unexpected pleasures that aren’t all X-rated.

Perhaps the most genteel escape is an afternoon at Miami’s historic Biltmore Hotel and Spa (1200 Anastasia Avenue, www.lhw.com/Biltmore ) where a formal English tea is served weekday afternoons from 3-6pm. If the bride enjoys golf or tennis, there are 10 tennis courts and a renowned 18-hole golf course, a full service spa and one of the world’s largest and most elegant swimming pools. Free walking tours of the grounds are available Sunday afternoons following one of the most popular champagne brunches in the city. Surprise everyone with a mystery limo ride from South Beach and then let the girls decide if they want to work out or relax at this lavish 1920s era resort. The hotel concierge can even arrange a complimentary horse drawn carriage ride through historic Coral Gables.

If the bride is sporty and the girls are a bit competitive, plan a night at Lucky Strike (1692 Michigan Avenue) a high tech bowling alley night club just off Lincoln Road. With a little advance planning, you can order some customized bowling shirts and goofy trophies and throw an impromptu Tournament of Champions. Pit the married girls against the single ones or the bad girls against the good… Think of a category that most suits your personalities and let the games begin! Lucky Strike has a great munchie menu and a staff of experienced party professionals who will help you plan your semi-friendly competition.

Most visitors to South Beach enjoy a 90-minute tour of the star’s homes on Duck Tours South Beach aqua coach, a motorized vehicle that drives into the bay and transforms into a boat. For your surprise package, why not take everyone on a road trip to Key West? Rent a car or jump on a bus in the morning and you’ll arrive in time for the famous Duval Street Pub Crawl. Enjoy fresh seafood at the waterfront Half Shell Raw Bar (231 Margaret Street) or a gourmet meal at the fabulous Marquesa Inn (600 Fleming Street). The folks at Key West Walking Tours will happily lead you on a bachelorette adventure you’re not soon to forget.

Bachelorettes on South Beach have carte blanche at all of the best clubs and bars. A few telephone calls before your trip will open many doors. Research Miami’s hottest clubs to see what kind of music they feature, what special performances they’re scheduling and what offers they make to groups out celebrating a special event. While most visitors expect to stand in lines at the top doors, parties of single women often breeze right past the bouncers and into the fun. Be friendly, dress up, and tip generously and you’ll find there’s a place on every dance floor in town for you and the girls.

Once you’ve got your plans sorted out, we think you’ll agree that South Beach just might be the vacation you and your girlfriends remember long after she says, “I do…”

Night 1:  SoHo Lounge
The Electroclash party. I choose a red strapless dress and white heels ensemble before my tan lines get too out of control with a week at the beach. I joke with my gay partner-in-crime, Adam, “Ooh, I feel so hard-core” leaving the edgy hip of South Beach for the grit of downtown Miami. I note the DJ’s appreciation for Prince’s Erotic City, but judging by the number of men I don’t meet, I assume my red fashion statement isn’t quite hard-core enough. Bummer.

Night 2:  Shore Club and Lounge 16
Short sixties-esque white satin dress with big green earrings. Adam and I are joined by his girlfriend-before-he-was-gay, Joleen, who has four piercings on her face and wears black leg warmers despite the heat. Again, I find myself feeling fashionably mild in a sea of chic.

Night 3:  Opium Garden
I’m hit with a maddening desire to forsake all the rules fashion I once obeyed and go with a green skirt topped with a brown and orange tank that exposes my leopard-print bra and serious cleavage. Accessorized with a gold antique brass belt (one that had seemed too impractical when packing, but now made so much sense) and gold hoops. Adam and I are on the dance floor until 5 a.m.—we have a great time, I feel alive and for once, not at all under-dressed.

Night 4:  The Sagamore and the Delano
Black slip dress over black capris. I love the way high heels give me an extra few inches of eye contact with bartenders, but, after three nights of extravagant dancing my feet are ready for the intensive care unit, so I settle for flat leather sandals. Adam has been replaced by my friend Anna for the rest of the trip, and as much as I love him, this turns out to be a great strategic move for two reasons: 1.) Anna is a jewelry designer and has supplied me with a fabulous pair of Swarovski crystal earrings with matching bracelet, and… 2.) She’s so hot that my chances of meeting a South Beach hunk are twelve times better running with her than with a gay man. It’s just too confusing with all the metros lolling about. We’re out all night and have a wonderfully scandalous time (what’s not to like about those little cabanas at the Delano?).

Night 5:  Shore Club and Privé
Purple nightie edged with hot pink lace over my leopard bra. Black and white patterned skirt. Brass belt with newly acquired black and gold pumps. Crystal earrings and bracelet. It sounds horrible I know, but it works for my last night in South Beach. Before leaving the hotel room I strike a tragically hip pose for Anna and we laugh in amazement at the amount of fashion fearlessness I’ve acquired in a mere five nights. Out into the night we go. The eyelashes bat, the business cards fly, and the martinis go down like Kool-Aid.

Day 6: Wretchedly Hungover and Dreading the Drive to Orlando.
Water…must have water. My throbbing headache is apparently affecting my ability to parallel park a car and I become the asshole who leaves it hanging-out too far from the curb while I run in to the quickie mart for some hydration. “That’s how you park a car? You make women look bad,” a woman bellows from a nearby cafe Now, I might have bags under my eyes, but at least I’m wearing Gucci sunglasses and lip-gloss, so I retort, “I make women look bad? Pah-leez…”

Praying the horrid she-beast doesn’t follow me, I slam the door and make my way toward 95-North. Apparently, my attitude has increased along with my desire to walk the streets wearing underwear and high heels. All in the name of fashion, of course…

Epilogue
Miami is a tropical playground for people who live for the moment—a moment that often occurs at 3 a.m. in some ritzy club overlooking the ocean. And while speed boats and botox have a way of making the beautiful people appear ever-more alluring—even if there is sometimes little virtue behind the facade—visitors who simply want to take a walk on the wild side of fashion will soon find their inhibitions floating away with the ocean breeze.

I think I’ll move to Miami…

Miami Fashion Week is the largest Latin American fashion event in the United States. Started in 1999, the first Miami Fashion Week (originally called Fashion Week of the Americas) was presented to an international audience of buyers, media and celebrities. Venezuelan designer, Carolina Herrera asked the organizers to form a fashion council to endorse Latin American designers – thus the birth of the Council of Latin American Fashion Designers, Inc. Miami Fashion Week was created to offer international exposure for Latin American and Caribbean designers. This May, over 30 designers, both established and emerging, from throughout North, South and Central America, Mexico, Europe and the Caribbean will present a preview of their latest collections.

Beth Sobol has worked with some of the biggest designers in the world and has succeeded in most every area of the unforgiving fashion industry -and she isn’t slowing down yet. Close friend and South Beach nightlife impresario Gerry Kelly says, “Beth put Miami on the world’s fashion map. She is very determined and focused and she has made a huge impact on Miami’s reputation in the eyes of the fashion world. We’re proud that she enables Miami to compete with the other fashion weeks around the world.”

Recently, as Beth was preparing for Miami Fashion Week 2005, we sat down with her to explore the woman behind these stellar accomplishments.

How Long have you lived in Miami?
I was born in Atlanta, but raised in South Florida since I was 4 years old – but I spent 12 years in Europe, Asia and South America modeling.

What was the most important lesson you learned during your time as a model?
Keep it professional. It’s the only way to succeed.

What was the most challenging part of modeling?
There really wasn’t one; modeling was very easy for me, but I was also very focused and knew that it was my job—the way I was going to earn my living. I was constantly motivated. I modeled for 20 years in over 28 countries and was always at the top of my game. You can’t do that if it isn’t in your soul.

Do you still stay in contact with people you modeled with?
Yes, I’m still in touch with several of my former modeling friends. We all live in different parts of the world and we are all doing very well now in our respective fields. One friend owns a dance school in Germany, another is an international modeling scout based in Paris, one is a jewelry designer in Monaco, and one’s an artist in New York City.

What skills did you acquire during your modeling days that have helped you in the world of business?
I learned the production business by osmoses. I was always paying attention to the action around me. I would hang out backstage with the technicians asking questions about their specific jobs and I was very observant of the choreographers, international show producers and directors that I worked with.

What prompted you to start Miami Fashion Week?
In 1996, I was hired to produce a two-day fashion event in Guayaquil, Ecuador for live television. After 15 days with 21 designers from 12 different countries, they asked me to do something for them in Miami—they all wanted to come to Miami but no one knew how. Two years later, I launched the first Miami Fashion Week.

Do you have a personal connection to the Latin community?
My former husband is Venezuelan and I lived in Caracas for 2 years. Oddly enough, the fashion industry found me within 2 weeks of arriving in Caracas, and soon thereafter I doing commercials and was booked for shows. It was there that I first started meeting Venezuelan designers, and that peaked my interest in learning more about Latin American fashion designers. Angel Sanchez was just starting out and making a name for himself in Caracas when I met him in 1993.

How do you decide which designers will participate in Miami Fashion Week?
There are requirements that the designers must meet: two years in business, design a minimum of two collections per year, 40 pieces per collection and be able to produce the collection on the U.S. time frame.

What’s the biggest difference between Latin designers and those from other parts of the world?
I think that Latin designers are more colorful. In general, they are very happy people and will have a party no matter what’s going on around the world. The economy may be in shambles and the government about to be overthrown, but many Latinos will decide to have a party to celebrate what they have, not what they don’t have. They love women and like to make them look as feminine as possible.

Are all designers who participate in Miami Fashion Week from Central and South America?
No, absolutely not. For the past 4 years we have had a host of international designers in the shows. Groups of designers from India, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Czech Republic, Canada and the US have participated in the past, and the 2005 event will welcome new designers from Serbia, Tanzania, Russia, France, as well as North, South and Central America and the Caribbean. The event did, however, start out with a Hispanic focus, but has developed over the years into a true international fashion event.

Do you ever have American designers participating in Miami Fashion Week?
Yes, Mary McFadden, Patricia Field, Charlie Lapson, and several Latin but American-based designers such as Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera, David Rodriguez and Eduardo Lucero.

Do you still do model scouting?
Not really, it was taking too much of my time and I needed to focus more on Fashion Week. I do, on occasion, pass on an exceptional model to my friend in Paris who is scouting for several agencies around the world.

Have you discovered any models we would recognize?
Carolina Castro from Colombia was at Miami Fashion Week in 2000 and Oscar de la Renta, who was our special guest that year took her back to New York. She continued on to Paris and has done very well. Also, Grecia Polamares from Venezuela was at Miami Fashion Week in 1999, our first year and went on to Paris and New York.

When you first started in modeling and were traveling around the world, did you see yourself doing what you’re doing now, or did you have other ambitions?
Actually, I thought that I would open a modeling school and teach, but when I retired from modeling and returned to Florida, many of my old clients started asking me to produce their fashion shows. My first clients were Chanel, Fendi, Escada and St. John.

What advice would you offer to someone who wants to get started in Fashion?
Treat it as a business, if you want to make it a career. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to keep at it. Even when 10 people tell you no, keep at it because the next person just might say yes! If you have the physical attributes required to be in this business, then go for it. But, if you are not able to fully support yourself financially within the first year, you are not cut out for it and should move on to something else. Don’t waste time, life is too short. Look for opportunities that will not only fulfill you professionally and financially, but will also feed your soul.

Miami Fashion Week kicks-off in May in Miami Beach. For location and show times visit www.miamifashionweek.com

At one time Lincoln Road was Miami Beach’s top commercial area, with shops, nightclubs, bars, and department stores lining both sides of the street from the Atlantic Ocean all the way to Biscayne Bay. Saks Fifth Avenue, Harry Winston Jewelers, and Bonwit-Teller all were there for wealthy resort hotel guests to visit. The Road had no less than five movie theaters within its ten block span, including the world famous Carib Theater, with its live parrots in the lobby and mechanical roof that retracted to allow patrons to view feature films under a moonlit Miami Beach sky. Wealthy vacationers from the north would often arrive in Miami Beach for the winter season sporting empty steamer trunks to be used to transport their purchases back home again in April. Most of those purchases were made in the stores on Lincoln Road.

However, in the late 1950’s things began to change. New economic pressures would change the future of Lincoln Road for many years to come. Large new hotels like the Fontainebleau and Americana were designed as self-contained resorts complete with shopping areas and night clubs on premises where guests could spend their tourist dollars. Lounges like the Fontainebleau’s LaRonde Room or Eden Roc’s Mona Lisa Room attracted world class entertainers like Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, and Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. On the popular American Plan breakfast, dinner, and sometimes even cocktails and entertainment were included in the price of the room, so guests began to dine in the hotel’s own fine restaurants rather than in local restaurants on Lincoln Road. At one time, the Americana Hotel alone employed over sixty chefs to service its winter guests. All this put great economic pressure on Lincoln Road’s shops and restaurants, and the area soon began to feel the strain.

E Pluribus Lapidus
In an attempt to reverse the economic hardship being suffered by local stores and restaurants, the city commissioned famed Miami Beach architect Morris Lapidus, designer of the Fontainebleau Hotel, to transform Lincoln Road into a pedestrian shopping mall in 1960. The Road was closed to auto traffic and Lapidus created a beautiful shopping mall area filled with lush tropical plants, pink sidewalks, fountains, and unique sculptures. These changes met with some success, but the turnaround was short-lived. In the years that followed, Lincoln Road’s stores closed their doors one by one. Even the crown jewel, Saks Fifth Avenue eventually called it quits.

New social pressures were also waiting just around the corner. Miami Beach’s population, especially in South Beach, was shifting toward elderly retirees. At one point 80 percent of South Beach’s population was over 65 years of age. These retirees, living in South Beach’s old hotels and apartment buildings on low fixed incomes became a powerful political force and soon began resisting new taxes and bond issues, thus denying the city much needed revenue for infrastructure improvements.

Castro’s Mariel Boatlift brought in new residents at the lower end of the socio-economic scale. Of the 250,000 Marielitos allowed to come to the United States during the boatlift, it is estimated that 10 percent of this number were criminals straight out of Cuban jails. The crime rate in South Beach soared. To compound the problem, Miami in the 1980’s also had a slight “Colombian Marching Powder” problem to contend with. Check any Miami Vice re-run for details.

At its low point, most of Lincoln Road’s shops stood vacant. The Road’s golden days were seemingly gone forever.

A Change Gonna Come (Who is Art Deco?)
The war over Art Deco in South Beach is the subject of an upcoming article in South Beach Magazine, but for now, just remember this: All those wonderful Art Deco buildings that give South Beach its unique in all the world personality were moments away from being crushed up by bulldozers and used for landfill, when a few individuals like Barbara Capitman and her Miami Design Preservation League gang stood up against the “Condo Canyon” boys and preserved the Art Deco District for all of us. More on that later, but for now, chalk one up for the good guys.

In the late 80’s when South Beach began its resurgence, development progressed in much the same way that the island’s original development occurred in the early part of this century, namely, from the south, northward. Tony Goldman’s Park Central Hotel, the News Cafe and the Cardozo Hotel/Restaurant all sprang to life in just a few short years. South Beach’s redevelopment was like a tidal wave breaking right up Ocean Drive.

And as Ocean Drive has turned around, so has Lincoln Road. Less touristy and more of a hip community, the Road is now blossoming into South Beach’s creative district with artists and media production companies gravitating to the area at a blistering pace. Here’s an overview of some of the new folks in ol’ neighborhood.

Blue Suede Zapatos
Miami is internationally known as the “crossroads of the Americas”, so when MTV began looking for the perfect location for their new MTV Latino unit, they naturally chose South Beach. And, being MTV, they also picked one of the coolest sites in South Beach, Lincoln Road.

From production studios at Post Edge facilities at Lincoln and Washington, MTV Latino pipes music videos and Unplugged concerts to 19 countries in Central and South America 24 hours a day. And yes, Beavis and Butthead do habla espanol, although, no better than they habla English. (How DO you say “Dill Hole” in Spanish, anyway?) MTV Latino’s production affiliate Post Edge also provides production services for five Discovery Channel International networks around the world.

Another new arrival on the Road is The National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences known throughout the world for the music industry’s GRAMMY? Awards. NARAS is also responsible for numerous professional development and cultural enrichment programs around the world.

The Sunny Side of the Street
And of course, there are the wonderful sidewalk cafes. Lincoln Road is home to some of the finest sidewalk cafes in all of Miami Beach. Here’s the scoop on a few of the best.

One of the most well known meeting places in all of South Beach is The Van Dyke Cafe, nestled in a building originally constructed in 1924 by Carl Fisher, the father of Miami Beach. What’s not so well known is, in addition to its wonderful sidewalk cafe the Van Dyke also has a second floor lounge where live jazz is played nightly.

A new addition to the Road is Balan’s Restaurant, located at the quite western end of Lincoln Road close to the Colony Theater. Balans sidewalk cafe is one of the most relaxing settings on South Beach, and it’s also a great place to engage in that favorite South Beach pastime, model-watching. You don’t usually have to look very far either. Maybe only the next table.

Pacific Time Restaurant features American-Asian Pacific Rim cuisine, which New York magazine ’96 calls, “Best food in South Beach.” No argument here!

Yuca Restaurant and Nightclub has to be Miami Beach’s premier Cuban cuisine restaurant. Outside dining in the sidewalk cafe is a joy to the senses, while the second floor cabaret delivers South Beach’s hottest Latin music with firey Cubano entertainer Albita performing most weekends. Owner Efrain Veiga and manager Billy Bean are most gracious hosts, and will make your visit a truely memorable experience.

Hit it, Ludwig
The Lincoln Theatre, originally named the New Edison Theatre, was designed in 1935 by architect Thomas W. Lamb, who built classic movie palaces all over the country. The theater’s foremost resident is now The New World Symphony. Michael Tilson Thomas is the founder and Artistic Director of The New World Symphony, and also Music Director of the San Francisco Symphony, and Principal Guest Conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra.

Glory Days
So, will Lincoln Road recapture its glory days of the past, when movie stars and high rollers all dressed in tropical white outfits strolled its sidewalks? Well, it turns out that shopping at Saks has given way to pumping iron with the hard bodies at Idol’s Gym, but other than that, things are basically the same as they were in the 1930’s; beautiful weather, beautiful surroundings, and beautiful people. Recapture the glory days? Absolutely. Except, forget the part about “strolling in a white outfit.” These days it’s rollerblades and skin-tights. Just ask one of the models skating by. They should know.

Olga Saretsky’s Kikimora Studio produces costumes and spot light performances for nightclubs and posh private events that range from elegant to outrageous and always possess a touch of whimsy.

While her choreography is characterized by fluid improvisational motion, it is her dramatic costume designs and character creations that transcend the typical skimpy garb worn by go-go dancers in lesser markets. Bizarre creatures that sparkle in the darkness and invade the night with their impish theatrics are the hallmark of Olga’s work.

I first met Olga when she was performing at the late night Eyeliner Subculture party on Lincoln Road, and soon after realized that it was she who had created so many of the memorable events I had photographed in Miami. Only then did I come to understand the essence of her work. Olga Saretsky and the artisans at Kikimora Studio create special moments in time—exquisite works of living art that are true vignettes of glamour.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Olga about her work…

How many shows and events do you do in a typical year?
“Kikimora studio usually does around 2-3 performances a week at various clubs and other entertainment venues as well as social and corporate events. We do over 100 events a year.”

Each one of your costume designs seem to be based on a character that has a personality all its own. When you’re creating a new design, which do you envision first, the character, the choreography or the costume?
“Thank you for noticing the unique character in every creation! For me, choreography and costume tie together in such a way that when I envision a new character I see it in full costume and moving. If I don’t see a full character from the beginning, but the desire to create is strong, I start from the costume’s head piece and trust that the rest of it will come to me and be beautiful no mater what. After all is done, I then do a “test drive,” I stretch the skin of the new creature on my body and let it go wild in my studio. I record on video the first steps and build in more movements that complement the shape of the character.”

From a new costume’s initial sketches and renderings, to its first live performance, how long is the development process?
“Development time is always different. If I start a project immediately after first sketch, next is material shopping—hoping that I find all I need—that takes about 2-3 days, then construction itself takes from 2 to 7 days. I would say that simple shape creation take me about 2 to 7 days to bring it to life.”

Where do you find inspiration for your creations?
“Inspiration for new creations comes from almost anything… nature, animal kingdom, the elements, music, colors of life itself. But sometimes I see creations in my dreams or a daydreaming state of mind. Creatures like “Polkadots Fox”,“UFO”, “Fire Queen” and “Zebra Lady” come to me over a good night sleep. There is also time when I pick up a pen and start doodling on piece of paper next to me while I’m talking on the phone, and before I know it there is a new design staring at me from under the pen. A great living doodle example is a creature name “Lips”. Never underestimate doodles!”

All of your performers have beautifully sexy physiques, that’s a given. But, what else do you look for in a performer?
“Good question! I can name 3 major qualities right away…
I’m always looking for a “creature” inside of every performer that love’s people and love’s their self—a creature that isn’t scared to bring their own personality, their own essence that expresses who they are in a playful way through movement and sound…[laughs]… yes, some of my creatures can produce funny or weird noises to complete the character.”

“The dance and theater background of a performer is very important, but I also find “creature talent” in non-trained performers as well, that are sometimes the most unique of all.”

“Very important is responsibility and ability to learn fast—learn the dance routine , learn how to put on the costume , learn how to help others. A female performer who allows herself to be liberated from the social mask of ego and make-up on their own face that has been attached to go-go dancing. She must be the creature of playfulness, mystery and light inside herself that I believe is at the core of every woman, and I like to help manifest this.”

Do your costumes have to be tailored/fitted to each individual performer?
“I tailor the costumes to my type of body and that fits most of the performers.”

Do you personally perform at every show or event?
“Yes, I do perform myself most of the time and have available talent with me to keep me company and complete a duet if needed.”

Have any other designers influenced your work?
“There is no one in particular that influenced my designs, but I do get inspired by looking at the art of Nick Cave, Madam Peripetie, Ivan Prieto, Lin Tianmiao and many others. I love finding beautiful art online and can swim through abstract art pictures forever! It brings me hope that my art can be accepted and recognized just like their art is, it inspire me to go on. It widens my world and extends the possibilities!”

Do you collaborate with anyone else in your design and choreography work?
“Yes, for past year I have been collaborating with Amir Sultan Roth, we already gave birth to one of my favorite creatures “Gremlin,” where Amir’s idea of big ears, isolated eyes and his biological aesthetic from nature moved me to make a sketch come to life as a full-size creature. Amir’s air brush fine art breathes life into the character and made it uniquely his own style. Amir Sultan is a multi-talented creator, he is not only a beautiful painter, but he is also an  exceptional percussionist that builds his own uniquely tuned instruments and composes music for my creatures. We perform together often.”

Where did the name “Kikimora” come from?
“Kikimora was my nick name in my early childhood, so when the time came to pick a stage name, Kikimora came up in my mind naturally and I kept it. Same thing with my company, I was thinking about many names but Kikimora studio felt the most comfortable. If you look deeper at the origins of the word Kikimora, you will find direct connection to my eastern European upbringing—lots of mystical meaning and mystery, just like I like it!

What range of performers and services can Kikimora Studio provide?
“Kikimora Studio provides live statue entertainment, mime, interactive creatures, precision performances with dancers, circus acts with fire dancers and acrobatics, cultural dance performances and unique original music. We also custom build decorations and props for events, photo shoots and theater productions. We’re always up for a challenge!”

Savvy tourists make certain their reservations specify a high floor facing east if a sunrise breakfast in bed is on the agenda. Some Ocean Drive hotels offer roof top pool decks with a bird’s eye view of the sunrise and surf below.

After years of neglect during the 1970s and early 80s, Ocean Drive came roaring back on the scene when a few brave restaurateurs opened cafes and patiently waited for the buzz to energize an area that had gained a reputation for low rent housing and petty street crime.

One of the first entrepreneurs, Mark Soyka, opened the News Cafe at 8th and Ocean in 1988 offering comfort food and international newspapers 24 hours a day. While most folks thought an upscale diner on a street with little traffic would quickly fail, the News Cafe and a few others can take credit for creating the energy that would soon power all of the neon that quickly followed.

Gloria Estefan soon invested in the Cardozo Hotel at 13th and Ocean Drive, bringing a touch of celebrity to the emerging scene. Restaurants and bars, boutique hotels and shopping districts gradually replaced shuttered storefronts, and while naysayers enjoy telling travel publications that Miami was over, season after season brought new life to the city as celebrities flocked to Ocean Drive to pout for the paparazzi.

Some visitors, especially those coming from overseas, aren’t really sure what area is best to start their hotel search. Keep in mind that Ocean Drive is located in Miami Beach, not Miami, so a hotel in Miami Beach will be far more convenient. Ocean Drive is a $32 flat-fee taxi ride from the MIA airport. The restored hotels along Ocean Drive offer a range of accommodations from absolute luxury to simple convenience. Miami Beach has accommodations for everyone from humble backpackers to international jet-setters and the hotels along the strip suit every level of taste and budget. It’s also possible to reserve a privately owned condo if your party needs room to groove.

For families on a budget, consider a converted suite with kitchen facilities roomy enough for the entire brood. For travelers seeking romance, book a room with a king sized bed and a delightful Jacuzzi tub included. And for determined Spring Breakers, the rooms facing the Clevelander Pool Bar are thumping ’til 5am.

The upper reaches of Ocean Drive, from 12th through 15th Streets and the “SoFi District” (South of Fifth) are less active after hours and tend to be quieter at night. There are no hotels built directly on the sand from 5th to 14th Streets, so hotels in this zone face a public park and offer a direct view of the beach across Ocean Drive.

Visitors using their frequent flyer/travel points have two corporate options. Both Marriott and Hilton have hotels on Ocean Drive perfect for leisurely vacationing. The Hilton Grand Vacations Club offers one and two bedroom suites large enough for 6 people – so long as some of those people might not mind sleeping on a pull out couch. If your family spent the year watching you and your suitcase head out the door, the Hilton makes it possible to bring the whole gang along for some rest and relaxation on the rooftop jacuzzi sun deck.

The South Beach Marriott sits at the quiet “SoFi” end of the busy strip and features a Starbucks in the lower lobby. For some visitors, access to Starbucks makes the Marriott an ideal hotel. The rest of the property exceeds expectations with a wonderful pool area, 8 family sized one-bedroom suites with 32-inch flat panel televisions and high-speed internet access. Local surfers, volleyball players and followers of “futevole,” the Brazilian fusion soccer-volleyball game, favor the beaches south of the Marriott.

Lower Ocean Drive is a hot destination for club hoppers who flock to Nikki Beach Club by day and Story by night. Visiting celebrities dine on giant lobsters and decadent truffle mac n’ cheese at Prime 112, the hottest restaurant on Ocean Drive, or its newest twin, Prime Italian.

Nearby and definitely delicious, Fifty offers diners Nuevo-Latino lunch and dinner options including plantain wrapped crab cakes and tres leches Boston Cream Pie. While the menu features so many bold choices, be certain to leave room for the most deliciously original desserts in town.

If you spend most of your business travel time in corporate hotel rooms, you might opt for a boutique hotel for your South Beach vacation. The low-rise buildings on central Ocean Drive have been renovated and retrofitted with modern conveniences without disturbing the original floor plans. In some cases, the rooms remain smaller and the scale of the property more intimate. Some South Beach visitors want a clean, simply appointed room with a sense of independent travel. To escape the confines of a more generic hotel experience, Ocean Drive offers lots of boutique hotel choices.

Top of the line is the Hotel Victor which recently opened under the stewardship of Hyatt. While many travelers are familiar with the Hyatt brand, most are quick to report that there is little similarity to a traditional Hyatt hotel at the Victor. The hotel staff are personable and attentive, the rooms and in-house spa slick and well appointed, and the atmosphere often set to the beat of a poolside DJ.

One block to the north, The Tides Hotel provides a more sedate atmosphere, larger rooms and unusually spacious bathrooms. The nearby French bistro Les Deux Fontaines offers diners an upscale retreat featuring deliciously fresh seafood and live music nightly. Cafe Cardozo has served as the unofficial headquarters for all things Art Deco since the district began. Toast to Miami’s bygone era as you enjoy lunch or a sundown cocktail on the classic Art Moderne patio.

For visitors seeking a little tranquility in an Art Deco setting, an ocean front room at the Park Central offers simple luxury in a location that’s central to everything. While the swimming pool is small and well shaded, the hotel provides free towels and beach chairs to sun worshippers on the shoreline. The 6th floor sun deck has great city and sea views by day and extremely romantic star gazing by night. The newly reopened restaurant Quinn’s is a lovely spot for seafood and people watching right on Ocean Drive.

The Hilton Bentley South Beach Hotel provides spectacular views, and an added benefit for guests of the Bentley is complimentary access to the Bentley Beach Club including use of the gym, pool, hot and cold spa tubs and access to the very sexy club, Nikki Beach.

Reserving a suite on Ocean Drive can make South Beach feel like a home away from home. Travelers seeking something more luxurious should set their sights upon the newest addition to the Ocean Drive skyline, the Z Ocean Hotel. This 80-suite luxury condominium hotel features extra large balconies, private penthouses with access to the roof garden, 5-star in-room spa service, and a glass bottom pool. And in case you’re concerned about the security of your brand new Bentley, the hotel employs private valets who will spend the night coddling your car inside a secured parking facility. Now that’s sweet!

Just south of the Z Ocean hotel, the suites at the Casa Grande Suites are grand indeed. While some renovated Ocean Drive hotels suffer from a dearth of space, the Casa Grande enjoys repeat visits from guests who need a little extra room to stretch out during their stay. Currently updating their facilities, the hotel offers both private and public bookings of their 34 spacious suites including a number of pet-friendly options.

Having the luxury of a fully appointed kitchen with full sized steel appliances, granite countertops and tropical Indonesian décor makes it possible to prepare a lavish breakfast or happy hour on your own during longer visits.

Most importantly, the 8th Street location places guests squarely in the heart of the local nightlife.

No visit to Ocean Drive would be complete without a night of sexy Latin dancing girls and icy mojitos at Mango’s Tropical Cafe.

Best bets for dining near by include a casual brunch at the Pelican Cafe, 24-hour people watching at the News Cafe and Cuban style comfort food at Lario’s.

For frozen drinks that help quell the midday heat, try Fat Tuesdays or a topside seat overlooking the scene at Wet Willies.

Time-share members book the Crescent Resort season after season to enjoy the romantic Jacuzzi suites, the concierge service and the easy access to great shopping on the pedestrian mall, Lincoln Road. The quiet upper reaches of Ocean Drive are a little more relaxed and increasingly popular with return visitors. The Betsy Hotel has just been renovated and offers guests who aren’t tempted to wander across the street to Starbucks a complimentary breakfast every morning.

For an alfresco brunch overlooking Lummus Park, try the hearty banana pancakes at the Front Porch Cafe, a spot offering wholesome food at a good value all day long. In the afternoon, the live music at Finnegan’s Way lures beach goers to happy hour at this Irish style sports bar. While the food is standard pub fare, the atmosphere is always lively and the drinks two for one from 4-7pm.

The Congress Hotel is an all-suite hotel in the very center of the action. Some visitors find the 10th Street area too lively late at night while others bring along earplugs to help them catch a few hours sleep between parties. To experience the best of both worlds, 58 soundproofed luxury suites ranging in size from 475-950 sq. ft. offer every modern convenience, plus a rooftop pool deck overlooking Ocean Drive. On New Year’s Eve and the 4th of July, the Strand rooftop is by far the best seat in town for fireworks displays over the Ocean.

Closer to the ground, the heart of the district beats until 5 a.m. pool side at the Clevelander Pool Bar. The Clevelander Hotel has renovated their guest rooms and the party at the pool bar continues until the last Spring Break visitor calls it quits. This landmark legend features five poolside bars, flat panel TVs inside and out, live musical performances, two for one happy hours, and Saturday bikini contests. There is always a party on Ocean Drive just as long as you’re sipping a frozen rum runner served up by the friendly bartenders at the Clevelander Hotel.

If your interests are somewhat more sophisticated than tequila shots and string bikinis, the Miami Design Preservation League has it’s administrative offices at the Art Deco Welcome Center just across the street from the Clevelander hotel. The MDPL offers free public programs to explore the influences of 20th century design in Miami Beach including Deco era movies, architecture seminars and walking tours of the historic district.

Wednesdays through Sundays, join members of the MDPL staff for a 90-minute walk around the hotels, restaurants and commercial structures that make up the Art Deco Historic District.

Each year in January, the MDPL hosts Art Deco Weekend and closes Ocean Drive to traffic for a 3 day block party with food, fun, antique cars and craft sales. Visitors enjoy live musical performances, dancing in the streets, lectures about Art Deco, a classic car parade and much more. Hotel guests are advised that it’s a little tougher to navigate into and out of the area during special events, so try to be patient during festival weekends. Memorial Day Weekend, the 4th of July, and New Year’s Eve also bring street closures and heavy traffic to the area.

Design plays an integral part of the guest experience at the funky Pelican Hotel, which is owned by the high concept creative minds at Diesel Jeans. If you’re looking for a quirky theme hotel experience, log onto the hotel website and search through photos of rooms decked out in vintage finds to create Retro, Deco, Tarzan, Cowboy and Whorehouse motifs. While everything about the Pelican is “tongue in chic,” the service staff is friendly, the Pelican Cafe serves a great mojito and the beach chairs are free to hotel guests.

Sophisticated travelers looking for a unique hotel experience in a minimalist style stay at the Century Hotel, where the rooms are simple, the bathrooms spare and the vibe quiet and friendly. This small property caters to budget-minded guests who focus on exploring the city rather than lavishly appointed hotel rooms. The selection and price range of accommodations available on Ocean Drive make this an ideal destination for visitors seeking a classic South Beach experience. Options from luxurious to simple, from quiet to raucous, from central to remote make it possible to customize the kind of vacation you choose to experience at this seaside destination. In the end, it’s all about location.

Ocean Drive provides a rare opportunity to glimpse a landmark Art Deco area saved by preservationists who ultimately saved South Beach from destruction. Historic Preservation in the 1980s provided the backdrop for an emerging trend in fashion photography which re-introduced the raw beauty of Miami Beach to the world. Sometimes holding onto the past makes the future possible.

“Here in Miami, I’ve finally found what I was looking for:  the center of my circle. I want to stay here and live out my time…forever.”

Thus began the Versace family’s love affair with Miami.

Gianni Versace’s initial connection with Miami—South Beach in particular—came when he designed the sensual T-shirt-and-pastel-jacket look for Miami Vice, a look that exuded a fresh and sexy style that would soon sweep the country and set the tone for a decade of wild and reckless living. Versace soon became couturier-to-the-stars with larger than life rock icons parading in his designs. His fashion shows incorporated music and lighting that approached rock concert status with celebrities clamoring for front-row seats. His mantra of “Style makes sense only if it is your own” connected with millions of people. And with the world as his oyster, it’s notable that Gianni Versace chose South Beach as his home.

After moving here in 1992 and creating a palatial estate at Casa Casuarina on a still raw Ocean Drive, Versace distilled the visuals and youthful sexuality he saw on the streets of South Beach into his “Miami Collection,” a line of bold colors, art deco images, sleek 1950s automobiles, and, as always, mondo sexuality.

The origins of Versace’s inspirations were obvious to anyone familiar with the South Beach scene, as Gianni’s years in South Beach were a whirlwind of flash and glamour. Dinner parties in the open courtyard of his beloved Casa Casuarina with Madonna, house guest Elton John, Stallone,Herb Ritts, and many others. Wild nights at Paragon, the blazing gay disco on Washington Avenue with its sexually-charged theatrics. And late-night strolls to the upstairs VIP room of the Fellini-esque Warsaw on Espanola Way.

Candid photos of the family taken by Bruce Weber on the beach at Ocean Drive during this period show a mood of peaceful contentment; a sense of solitary belonging and fleeting happiness—the same feeling Sebastiano spoke of in his letter to Donatella years before.

Some mornings Versace would walk down Ocean Drive to the News Cafe a few blocks from his mansion. Ocean Drive was much different back then—far more open with an unobscured view of the sky. And when Versace walked, he walked under a brilliant Miami Beach sun—the same beguiling light that lured legions of artists and photographers to this magical place over the years. The golden light of Miami.

A stylized painting during this period by artist Thierry Perez portrays a shirtless Gianni Versace in a collage of palm trees, tropical flowers, and big-finned Cadillacs with golden rays of sun beaming out from behind the scene. And one small portion of the painting seems to sum up completely Versace’s feelings about his new home: on Gianni’s arm is a heart-shaped tattoo saying simply, “Miami.”

July will mark ten years since the passing of Gianni Versace, and as the years go on, less and less attention will be focused on his life and accomplishments. Sadly, Versace’s contribution of style and glamour to our society will one day become nothing more than a footnote in fashion history. Such is the way of the world.

But, for those few individuals who truly understand what first beckoned Gianni Versace to these golden shores, the memory of his loss will never fade.

1)  Mr. Moto – The Belairs (1961)
Taking their name from the sax player’s car, this group of South Bay, LA high school students produced one of surf music’s pivotal recordings in the summer of ’61. Paul Johnson’s rhythmic minor key strumming style completely masks the fact that this song was recorded with only drums, sax, lead and rhythm guitars -no bass.

2)  Latin’ia – The Sentinals  (1962)
Formed in San Luis Obispo, California, The Sentinals produced this beautiful Spanish melody portraying surf music’s solitary and sometimes haunting sound. Next time you’re watching an E! Channel segment having anything to do with beaches, babes, or surfing, you’ll most likely hear this song in the background.

3) Miserlou – Dick Dale & The Del-Tones  (1962)
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to drive a nail through your own head, this tune will give you a general idea. Dick Dale got his start at the Rendezvous Ballroom in Newport Beach, California and the ripping guitar riffs coming out of his Fender amp soon filled the Southern California airwaves with a frenzied new sound that came to be known as surf music. Known for the last forty years as the “King of the Surf Guitars,” Dick Dale’s hammering Miserlou was most recently used as the title tune for Quentin Tarantino’s warpo masterpiece, Pulp Fiction.  (Leo Fender designed the world famous Fender Dual Showman amp especially for Dick Dale’s live performances at the Rendezvous Ballroom)

4)  Pipeline – The Chantays  (1963)
In the mid-sixties, every kid above the age of zero could play Pipeline’s haunting four-note backdrop. Pipeline, along with The Ventures’ Walk Don’t Run and Chuck Berry’s Johnny B. Good, probably inspired more budding guitar players over the next thirty years than any other songs in the history of rock.

5)  Wipe Out – The Surfaris (1962) (long version, of course)
Conceived on the spot as a flip-side filler tune for the groups freshly recorded Surfer Joe, Wipe Out is surf music’s most recognizable song. Wipe Out / Surfer Joe went on to become a double-sided national hit—not bad for a group of 15-year olds from Glendora, California. (The cracking sound during the opening was supposed to represent the sound of a surf board smashing into a thousand pieces)

6)  Surf Rider – The Lively Ones (1962)
Given their name by KFWB disc-jockey Gene Weed after a hot on-stage performance featuring the group’s gorgeous twin blonde female singers, The Lively Ones recorded the instrumental Surf Rider as a knock-off of The Ventures’ Spudnik. The song was most recently used during the closing credits of Pulp Fiction.

7)  Surfer Girl – The Beach Boys  (1963)
Man does not live by surf alone.

8)  Surfin’ On Heroin – Forgotten Rebels (1983)
Life on the beach isn’t always sun and fun, as evidenced by the line “I’m swimming in a sea of puke.” Catchy tune, though.

9)  Bombora – The Surfaris (1963)
Heavy reverb, blown notes and all, Bombora is the one song that best portrays the frantic exuberance of youthful sexuality in the early 1960s. Matching blazers, skin-tight high-water pants, bushy blonde hair and some serious whammy bar action, the Surfaris’ beyond-live Bombora is one of surf music’s hardest driving instrumentals.

10)  Surf City – Jan & Dean  (1963)
Recognize the high voice in the background?  It’s Tony Minichiello of The Matadors and Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys singing along with friends Jan Berry and Dean Torrance on surf music’s national anthem of cars, girls and the eternal summer of youth—a song that heralded both the pinnacle and the beginning of the end for the last truly American pop phenomenon—surf music.

If only the world could remain seventeen forever…

The German-born designer started his career at 17 and quickly went from designing for the House of Balmain to Jean Patou, Charles Jourdan, Valentino, Fendi, Chloe and for the past 25 years, Chanel. But do not for one minute think that being the creative force behind the legendary label has kept him pinned down. Aside from designing full ready-to-wear collections for Chanel and Fendi, his own label, Lagerfeld Gallery (which he started back in the early ’80s), plus Chanel Couture twice a year – he is a professional photographer (he shoots of all of his own ad campaigns) and in his spare time creates and publishes books for his new imprint, Editions 7L.

The man has the power to put those of us in our 20s to shame with his energy and ambition. But, shamed as we may be, we still admire his dedication, we praise him for designing those skinny-legged pants and we absolutely adore him for his ability to make a statement and not give a damn what anyone has to say about it.

Take for instance a memorable moment back in the early ’90s when he employed strippers and an Italian porn star to model his black-and-white collection for Fendi. He has produced legendary pieces like the shower-dress, with beaded water streaming down the front; a car-dress with a radiator grille and fender, and a multitude of outstandingly eccentric hats. And ten years after the height of Lagerfeld’s Chanel we still hang on his every move.

I was reminded of the power Karl Lagerfeld can wield a couple of seasons ago right here at the ever-so-trendy South Beach restaurant/lounge, B.E.D. Someone had put in a call to say the fashion icon would be stopping by for a nosh on the night in question. The staff had been preparing for his arrival upwards of four hours when the diva himself appeared – for a total of about 60 seconds. After  seeing that he would have to perch where so many of “the people” had sat, eaten, danced, and/or groped before him, he promptly turned on his polished heel and headed back out the door.

In 1997, Vogue crowned him the “unparalleled interpreter of the mood of the moment” and that night back in 2003 I crowned him the unparalleled moodiest of the moment. But loved him all the same.

Although I must say that Vogue may have been onto something. Take for instance the Karl Lagerfeld for H&M collection (“just 30 pieces,” he says, “very androgynous”). The collection, which debuted in selected H&M stores on November 12th, was Lagerfeld’s signature modern, elegant and streamlined pieces in black and white. His reasoning behind the mass retailer/haute couture collaboration was “the idea was modern.”

Maybe his venture into chain retail was also a gentle reminder that he too is human. He understands the needs of the general public for an impeccably cut blazer and tailored pants. Perhaps he is not as out of reach as once believed. Well, when asked about eating a hot dog from a New York street vendor in a recent interview with Elle magazine Lagerfeld replied, “Yes, I was mad for hot dogs when I was human. I loved that – eating them in the streets, walking around with food.” OK, maybe not.

When the now model-thin Lagerfeld caught wind of the chain retailer enlarging the sizes to fit the average UK female shape – size 14-16 – he fired back calling British women too fat for his clothing. He sneered, “What I created was fashion for slim, slender people. That was the original idea.” Lagerfeld has vowed never to work for H&M again.

Back in 1977 Lagerfeld was quoted as saying, “I don’t like skinny people. I think it’s very d?od?” However in 2002, after shedding 90 pounds he scoffed, “Muscles are out. Bones are in.” Karl Lagerfeld is nothing if not of the moment.

Whether slim or overweight, a confident Lagerfeld has always remained his most loyal fan. His pant size may have fluctuated over the years, but his dire belief in the “House of Karl” has never waned.

Fellini shot La Dolce Vita on the Via Veneto, the Roman street of nightclubs, sidewalk cafes and the endless procession of the night—curiously enough, a setting not unlike here in South Beach.

The film centers around a gossip columnist named Marcello—played by Marcello Mastroianni—who moves through Rome’s nightlife netherworld exposing the glamorous but shallow existence of fading aristocrats, B-grade movie stars, and aging playboys, without regard for the hurt and embarrassment caused by his indiscreet and personal revelations of the people he writes about. Yet, through it all, he dreams of a pure existence, an existence free from the filth and sleaze of the world he lives in.

La Dolce Vita projects one conceptually striking image after another, as in the opening scene, where Marcello and his inseparable cameraman, Paparazzo are flying in a helicopter trailing another craft that is transporting a huge statue of Christ to St. Peters Square. With the statue strung far below the lead helicopter, Christ appears to sail through the crystal-clear sky with out-stretched arms. Enroute, they forsake the Christ-vision to circle a high-rise building while Marcello flirts with a group of nearly nude girls, sun-bathing on the rooftop. Symbolism noted?

Later that evening at a nightclub, Marcello meets Maddalena (Anouk Aimee), an over-it-all, nymphomaniac daughter of a wealthy Roman businessman. Their evening together passes through all the meaningless mini-dramas that evenings in nightclubs always produce, and ends up in the pitiful apartment of a prostitute they have given a lift home to. Maddalena, bored with the conventional pleasures of her life delights at the chance to experience an even greater walk on the wild side, and as the scene in the prostitute’s apartment fades to black, Marcello and Maddalena make love, with the prostitute only steps away.

At dawn, Marcello returns to his apartment to find that his neurotic and overly-jealous mistress Emma has attempted suicide by taking poison, and as he rushes her to the hospital, for a brief moment it appears that he finally becomes aware of the pain that cruelty and thoughtless acts can cause. But the revelation is short-lived.

With his mistress soon out of danger, Marcello rushes to the airport on an assignment to cover the arrival of Sylvia (Anita Ekberg), a ravishing Hollywood movie star arriving in Rome to begin work on her next picture. Marcello spends the next 24 hours with Sylvia under the spell of his enchanted vision of her that he hopes will become reality. Instead, after bringing her home at dawn he suddenly winds up on the wrong side of an ass-kicking at the hands of Sylvia’s husky boy-friend.

Broken, confused and searching for answers to the eternal questions of his meaningless life, Marcello visits his friend Steiner, an intellectual whose advice Marcello respects. However, no answers are forth-coming. Later in the film, as Emma and Marcello spend an unforgettable evening at Steiner’s home, and in the company of Steiner’s family and intellectual friends, Marcello begins to discover harmony and peace of mind.  Emma, now even more jealous and demanding, attempts to convince him that his only salvation is in giving himself to her completely.

Through various other settings the film comes to the point where Marcello is called to report on a double murder/suicide scene. He is shocked beyond belief to discover that Steiner has killed his two children and then shot himself. At this point Marcello suffers his greatest disillusionment.

Unable to grasp the life-line of peace and harmony he once envisioned in his friend Steiner’s life, Marcello descends even deeper into his previous world of sleaze and debasement, the omega-point coming at a party at the seaside villa of a movie producer that lapses into an unbridled orgy where Marcello thoroughly degrades himself, becoming a man without a soul.

In the closing moments of the film, the last symbol of hope and innocence appears to him in the form of a young girl that he had earlier befriended. She beckons him to join her, but Marcello, now beyond redemption, cannot.

La Dolce Vita was a paradox from the first day it was release in 1960. The Vatican immediately placed it on its “Excluded List.” The National Legion of Decency noted that, while the movie’s theme was “animated throughout by a moral spirit,” they none-the-less placed it in a “special classification” as a “protection to the uninformed against wrong interpretation and false conclusions.”

Over the years various theories have surfaced as to Fellini’s true message in this picture. Many have supposed that La Dolce Vita catalogs the seven deadly sins, as it takes place on the seven hills of Rome; it involves seven nights and seven dawns, and so forth. Some say that Fellini purposely paired certain scenes to give special meaning, as when Marcello follows the lustful Sylvia from the top of St. Peters, into the bowels of the nightclubs, foreshadowing his coming descent into oblivion. Maybe so, but we’ll never know for sure since no one ever got an answer out of Fellini before he checked-out some years ago.

So, why take the time to write about a 40 year-old movie?  No special reason, really. Maybe it’s simply because I use to fantasize about Anita Ekberg back when the other kids were still watching Howdy-Doody. Or maybe it’s because I’m amazed by how much Marcello’s world mirrors South Beach—one big sensation-filled embodiment of the oblique innuendo—it’s hard to say.

But, on the other hand, maybe I just like black and white movies.

Penelope: “White folk simply can’t dance. It’s just not in their blood, nor in their culture. Two words: Vanilla Ice. Stiff pale bodies, two left feet, no awareness that knees bend nor that hips sway or move. Every part of the while male body appears to act independently when attempting to dance, jerking rigidly to and fro, without natural flow. Which is the perfect form for Country-line dancing, the white man’s triumphant contribution if that, to the art of dance. But when it comes to Salsa dancing, there’s no hope. Sure, I’m not saying that all whites are incapable of learning footwork, but the vast majority lack the rhythm and soul it takes to become a good Salsa dancer.”

“Latinos on the other hand learn how to dance as kids so by the time we are adults, dancing is just a natural part of life. I distinctively remember one day at a birthday party dancing the Samba in a circle with my girlfriends. An adult male approached me and with a chuckle told me I didn’t know how to Samba. He went on saying that I was doing the dance with my right foot only, and that I needed to do it with the left also. This is true, but that’s how you learn; first with your right, then your left, I wasn’t there yet. I was 6 years old! So I practiced until I got this very difficult step down. I digress but my point is that in Latin countries everyone has the opportunity to learn how to dance from a very young age, and since it’s just part of everyday culture nurturing this wonderful part of life, it becomes second nature to most Latinos, and we grow up to need it.”

“We pride ourselves in being good dancers, but that doesn’t just mean knowing fancy footwork, upper body rhythm, and tempo, it also means adding our own individuality and flavor to your personal style of dance.”

“Son Cubano in New York City used to be our group’s dancing playground. Always worth the wait in line, we danced until our bodies had a healthy glow from sweat, and the doors were closing. On one of my friend Matt’s many visits down to South Beach we were getting ready to head out to Macondo, having a couple of cocktails and listening to salsa at my place when my neighbor came out of his house. Neighbor: white male in his 30s, artist, docile, and modest.”

“HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?”

Scott: “Growing up as a white male in a mostly white environment, I was all too familiar with the development of dancing among ‘my kind.’ It starts in middle school with the first school dance. Girls on one side of the room, guys on the other, and you could only safely dance when it was a slow song. That way, there was no chance of looking like a complete idiot…mostly. And from that point forward in life, you could go in one of two directions: you could either develop white man rhythm and hopefully in your late teens master the line dance, or you could develop your natural rhythm and dance well.”

“When my Brazilian neighbor Penelope looked me straight in the eye and without hesitation told me that ‘white men can’t dance,’ I laughed! I laughed a hearty white man laugh, for I had chosen the road less traveled and learned to dance. This crazy Brazilian before me had not bore witness to the rhythmical stylings of her white man friend. While I typically only bust out my moves for small groups of Japanese tourists, I decided that, to borrow from George Bush, this aggression would not stand. With her stern view and unwillingness to accept a reality I knew to be different, Penelope would force me to come to the rescue of white men the world over and so a plan was hatched: she and I would go dancing and I would prove her wrong. Or possibly right. We made our plans to go out for a night of dancing, starting with Salsa lessons at Yuca followed by dancing elsewhere.”

DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY

Penelope: “Sitting at work, staring at the computer screen, which I had already been doing for nearly 12 hours, I looked at the clock and jumped out of my seat. 7:15pm, class starts at eight. I logged off and headed home. Quick shower, dress, shoes, purse, knock on Scott’s door. ‘Are you ready?’ He walks out and asks me if what he was wearing looked good, I concurred, especially since we already had this conversation at which point I informed him that he needed new shoes, brown ones.”

Scott: “The first thing to tackle with this whole ?White Men Can’t Dance? business was not looking overly white. I just can’t go out looking like Ryan Seacrest; I needed to look happening. So what does a white guy do in this case? What else? Put on his khakis and a white button down. Um, yeah.”

“It really was a very stylish shirt with exotic patterns, though, and the khakis were loose fitting linens and snappy! So I wasn’t THAT white. Seriously. (As I make this claim out loud to Penelope and type the words, she addresses me from her patio. ‘No, you were seriously white, dork. But you looked better last night,’ she confirms.”

“ANYWAY, we arrive at Yuca for our dance lessons provided by Salsa Mia. We’re in front of the line and I survey the situation: lots of couples of all ages, a relatively balanced mix of whites and Latinas. Alright, I’m on a level playing field. And these people are all here for lessons.”

“There are five levels that Salsa Mia provides, with level one being the beginner level going up to the advanced class, level five. We would start at level one. Our instructor for the evening would guide Penelope and I (and eighteen or so other people) through the introductory steps of Salsa. First, we would learn the basic steps without music. Then, the music would start. We’d then run through these simple steps to music. I danced with great aplomb. Penelope had natural rhythm. My hips were a little rigid initially, but then the music came into me. White man got his groove on.”

“After learning some of the basic steps, the instructor then had us pair up, with all of the couples forming a circle. Men’s left shoulders pointed to the middle of the circle, women’s right shoulders pointed inward. And then the music began again. And from here, we danced the dance of the Salsa. We would switch partners (the women stationary, the men moving counter-clockwise to the next partner) roughly every four beats. Para mia. Para baho. These are words that would be shouted over and over again, effectively getting the student body to move in unison, however un-trainable we were.”

“I will readily concede that there are many a white man who can’t dance. The second time we went, we brought a mutual friend and I wished we hadn’t. Penelope would see in him all of his whiteness on the dance floor. But it wasn’t just him, really. It was most of the white guys there. I was the great white hope and seeing my fellows white dancers step left when they should step right? watching them move like robots (and not in some good 80s break-dancing way) when their bodies should move fluidly? it only inspired me more to prove Penelope wrong. I was a team of one that night, my fellow whities leaving me out to dry.”

Penelope: “I was feeling mighty confident that I would pass Level 1 after a couple of classes, and given my Latin friends had already taught me a thing or two on Salsa dancing, this was going to be a piece of cake. We began learning the steps, some of which I already knew but I did realize I hadn’t been doing it correctly I had been simply faking it at the clubs. ?I want to get really good? I thought to myself so I listened intently at the teacher’s instructions of the fancy footwork. The classes are structured so that, even if you go by yourself, you’ll get to dance with a partner due to the rotations around the circle of mostly newbie’s. There are people of every age, some taking this way too seriously (have they figured out that Miami is mostly Latino and they need to get with the program?) , others who were there just for fun like Scott and I, and lastly older men and women who surely appear to be there to meet other singles in the community. And why not? What better place to meet someone than in a hot and sweaty room filled with pheromones stemming from the sexy rhythms, blood pumping lust, and teasing touching Latin music brings to your soul?”

“I digress. Surprisingly Scott isn’t THAT white when it comes to his ability to actually learn the footsteps and have some coordination on the dance floor. For a white guy I was mildly impressed, but I still had to make fun of him for he didn’t quite have the ?IT? effect he needs to become a sexy Latin dancer and swoon girls onto dance floors.”
Scott: “What did she say? She’s crazy. I’m a sexy Latin dancer! For two hours we danced. We moved to the music, we drank beer to keep cool and loosen us up, and we swayed. Then we took our dancing to another club, Score, where Penelope had friends that would get us in the door free. I regret to inform the white male populace, though, that I somewhat let our people down. While I managed to shred Penelope’s notion that white men can’t dance, I made zero headway in the ?white men can’t hold their liquor? category. After drinks at Yuca and then more drinks at Score, this dapper Fred Astaire turned into a red-nosed W.C. Fields, sloshed, and incapable of walking straight, let alone dancing. When I laid down in the middle of Euclid Avenue en route to whatever our next destination was, I realized it was time to call it a night.”

REFRESHER COURSE NEEDED

Penelope: “We decided one time wasn’t enough and since weeks had passed since our last lesson, we decided to try it one more time. We arrived for round two, and this time we had a hot little Latina teacher boasting a pair of incredibly high, sexy and shiny silver heels, in tight jeans, and this chick could move, unlike the boring guy teacher from last time. Surely she wanted to just ?get moving? but soon she realized how green we all were. But that didn’t stop her from teaching us some turns and spins though, and she ran quickly through the basic steps, moving onto the turns like we all had been there several times.”

“Dang, I even had a hard time with the side-to-side turn! I was beginning to grow frustrated thinking ‘how can I not get this??’ but after a few tries, I had it down. We brought a white male friend with us this time and he was sweating like a pig. His shirt soaked, he appeared lost, but I give him props for not giving up. Now HE is truly white. Poor guy (laughing).”

Scott: “While we still went in as level one dancers, the game was all complicated this time. There was spinning and turning and then MORE spinning and more turning. Still, I held my own and danced like a?. like a?. well, like a white man. But like a white man with rhythm and soul. And again, I was at the top of the class, dispelling Penelope’s foolish notion.”

DID HE SAY “DISPELLING MY NOTION?”

Penelope: “No, no my dear friend. Ok, I”ll give Scott his props for not embarrassing me completely during the lessons, but I will also add that it didn’t help proving my point when everyone at the class was totally horrible the second go-round. Had this been a real Salsa club, my poor friend would be left in the dust like a typical white guy for just knowing the steps doesn’t make you a good salsa dancer, it makes you decent but still vulnerable to budding jokes.

Latinos are no joke. This is serious business and much like when a peacock raises his feathers to attract females for mating, Latin guys show their appeal by knowing how to swoon a girl on the dance floor, making her feel weightless and beautiful. This can’t be accomplished by white men as they simply don’t have what it takes physically to be able to move fluidly, nor do they possess the charm and sex appeal a Latin guy confidently boasts to make a girl fall into their arms and let them lead the way, lead our bodies, and influence the heart.”

SUCCESS! (mostly)

Scott: “We ended our night of dancing at Yuca. And we ended with me proving Penelope wrong. She, of course, might say otherwise. But she would be lying. White men CAN dance. Just maybe not all of us.”

After watching two hours of fast cars, fast boats, and dead drug dealers, I must say I’m forced to raise the question: Can Miami Vice define the style of a new generation?

Miami Vice was written and directed by Michael Mann, and is based on the television series created by Anthony Yerkovich in the 1980s. The show ran five seasons, from 1984 to 1989, yet its influence on pop culture can still be felt almost two decades later in numerous areas —most notably, in fashion.

The series created a movement in men’s fashion with its impeccable white suits, pastel t-shirts worn underneath (a look that until this point was reserved for either the race track at Hialeah or the unemployment office) and sock-less loafers.

Looking back it’s easy to see how Gianni Versace, who worked as costume designer on the series, was a key influence in shaping the trend. Gianfranco Ferré and Giorgio Armani also contributed to the original Miami Vice look. With such style-power at work behind the scenes, it’s no wonder Miami Vice circa 1984 was such an epiphany of male fashion.

Jim Moore, creative Director of GQ magazine, readily admits that fashion of the Miami Vice series influenced everything they did at the time.

And any show that could turn three-day stubble into a 1980s fashion statement was bound to experiment with it in the 2006 version. Colin Farrell donned a modern version of the mullet and handlebar moustache, while Jamie Foxx’s neatly groomed facial hair was disturbingly reminiscent of Fu Manchu.

But that’s where the similarities end. All traces of color are gone from the cops’ attire, now replaced with black t-shirts and denim. The new version is darker, grittier and set in the decidedly unfashionable present, so it’s safe to say, unfortunately, that the theater version of Miami Vice isn’t going to spark any new trends.

There were mixed reviews about the fashion choices from audiences around the country. Tiffany Cozza of Philadelphia doesn’t seem to mind, “The updated fashion works. Using fashions from the ’80s would have disrupted the flow of the movie.” While Los Angeles native Matt Meyerson disagrees, “As a childhood fan of the show, the whole appeal of seeing the film was to see how they pulled off the shoulder pads and pastels in a modern context. I truthfully wanted to see if they could resurrect that ridiculous trend amongst the fashionistas, glitterati and wannabes. It was a total disappointment.”

In Miami Beach, it seems that the onscreen fashion is just a mirror of reality. Mike Wilson, who has lived in South Beach since the early ’80s says, “What you see – and saw back then – on screen is very true to what men here are wearing in real life. Instead of a lime green shirt under a white jacket, today men in Miami are more than likely sporting a linen guaybera shirt or a plain t-shirt – just like in the movie.”

In the ’80s version of Miami Vice, men sporting open shirts with a large gold medallion nestled in wild chest hair was de rigueur. Thankfully this and other stylistic nods to the era, were omitted – though Ferrell does successfully pull off the charm-on-leather-cord look in the movie.

Two decades ago, the creative story lines of Miami Vice brought  big-screen excitement  to television with style upstaging substance at every turn. But in the 2006 movie version, Mann’s directing and use of high definition technology are the true stars.

Casey Gillespie is the Managing Editor of Zink Magazine,
a fashion and lifestyle publication in New York.